I'm 31 and my bf's 36. We've been together almost 5 years, living together for 4.5 years. We have a perfect relationship, do everything together, and he tells me he loves me everyday and wants to marry me someday. The only problem is he hasn't popped the question, and I brought this up a couple times, and every time we talked about it, he just tells me he's not ready yet. I asked him why not and he says it's just not a good time. I know money is a big issue for him since he's been without a job for the last 3 years that we've been together. He never has enough money, can't barely makes the rent every month and in alot of debt. He tells me he really wants to marry me, but financially he's tight and can't do it right now because the timing is bad. He tells me everyday that he really loves me and wants to be with me forever. He spends all his free time with me and like I said we do everything together. In the past, I have been pressuring him about the marriage issue, but I realized that pressuring is not a good idea. I gave him a deadline once before and he promised me we would get married, but ended up he couldn't keep his promise. We got into a huge fight and almost broke up. Soon after that we worked things out and I gave him him another chance because I realized that pressuring him to marry me is a bad idea. I don't want to pressure anybody into marrying me. I don't want to have to discover later down the road that he married me by mistake because I pressure him into it. So for the last year or so, I have not talked much about marriage because I want everything to happen naturally I just kind of waiting on him to propose to me when he's ready. The thing I don't understand is even though I am trying to patiently wait for him cause I really love and want to be with with this man, I can't help but wonder if he is ever going to propose? What are some signs that a man will propose to you soon? As far as I can tell his financial problem is still an issue in our relationship and I've done everything I can to help him, but I'm not asking for a big wedding or expensive ring, so what is he waiting for ? At this point, I'm not looking to set any timeline with him because I have been there and done that. I just don't understand what a man's perspective is when he tells you he loves you and wants to marry you, and the "it's just not a good time" reason follows that? I'm not in desperate or rush to get married right now, but it would be nice to know if he's ever going to propose. He does everything to show that he really loves me and cares about me and I can see that. I don't want to brag, but alot of women would love to be where I am right now because he is by far the best boyfriend I can ever ask for....I'm very happy with him...but when it comes to the marriage issue, it's just a whole another story! I hear alot about commitment phobic men, but he has no problem talking about being committed to me and our relationship for the rest of his life. Do you think my boyfriend is the type of man who will eventually propose or do you think I'm just wasting my time?
I'm not a man but from reading your post, I find it very unlikely that a 36 year old man with perpetual money problems who "isn't ready" and breaks promises to you will ever marry you.
You should probably start thinking about whether or not you need to be married. If you do, then this isn't the right guy. You should have left the minute he broke his "deadline" you gave him. Isn't that supposed to be for you so that you can determine whether to stick around or move on?
It's easy for him to say "someday" and mean it because "someday" isn't now, it's a fantasy. He may actually marry you "someday" (perhaps when you're retired). A vague, intangible promise is an easy one to make. I don't think he's necessarily stringing you along on purpose but it's clear that he doesn't want to get married.
I only read your first few sentences. I got to the part where you suspect what's holding him back is money. Why money? You guys are doing everything right now a married couple does. "Playing house" as my mother used to put it. The only thing missing is the piece of paper (marriage certificate) and the commitment.
When you look at the statistics......couples that co-habitate prior to marriage usually don't fair too well. I'm no sociologist, but I think it has to do with slipping into a commintmentless comfort zone.
Think about it. If money for a wedding is the problem, do as my wife and I did...justice of the peace. A few dollars out of pocket and badda-boom, badda-bing. You're married. I think something else is going on in his head other than money.
Male perspective? Female perspective? YOUR perspective? It doesn't matter whether a person is a male or female. Not all men think alike, no man can get inside your man's head to tell you what he's thinking!
I agree with the others. It's easy to say "someday".......because there isn't a definitive time to "someday". He might mean 15 years from now. Money is a problem? Why? You live together, you share expenses, you're living NOW as a married couple would. Also, he hasn't worked in THREE years? Then he's not trying very hard to find a job.........SOME kind of job, ANY job......But then if he found a decent job, got himself out of debt, then he'd have to come up with a new excuse not to marry you!
You gave him an ultimatum, and that didn't work. What it DID do was show him that your ultimatum meant nothing. The time came and went, and you're still there. Nothing changed. So what incentive does he have to marry you? NONE.
If you REALLY can't live without marriage.......then make a date. Give him the date. If you're not married by then.........then it's over. But don't bother if you're just going to do nothing if he doesn't come thru (which he probably won't!). If he'd wanted to marry you, he would have done it by now. He's keeping his options open.
From my perspective as a man: Men say things like "I want to get married someday", "I'll take the trash out in a minute as soon as I finish this", "I'll fix the roof as soon as it stops raining" or whatever we need to say to satisfy the woman we want to satisfy. That doesn't mean we'll actually do any of those things. Some of us actually do want to want those things, but if we can avoid them and still have the life we want, we'll avoid them. Your guy has a great relationship; he's happy. If he can't lose that by promising and not fulfilling, why should he fulfill? (I say that not as a question to you, but to indicate what I think is going on in his head.) If I can walk into the supermarket every day and take 10 pounds of steak without paying for it just by promising to pay someday, I'll walk into the supermarket every day and take 10 pounds of steak without paying for it. What's my motivation to pay?
In your mind there are benefits to marriage. As soon as he considers the benefits to be as strong as you consider them, he'll marry you.
Love 
