1. I still cannot get close to him physically - each time he hugs me or holds me, I picture him with the OW. How it different it was with her. I cannot compete with the thrill that he got with the OW.
I dontknow how to tell you to do that mentally. Maybe it might help to establish a different type of relationship with him now .. he is no longer the man with whom you fell in love .. so you will need to get to know him again and he will need to get to know who you are now. You have probably changed because of his infidelity and now you see him for who he evolved into.
The problem is that men bond physically and women tend to bond emotionally. So how do the two of you meet in the middle? Can he give a little emotionally while you try to extend yourself physically? I totally understand that he probably disgusts you a little now .. because of what he did. He is probably going to need you to just screw him .. not make love .. at first .. in order to feel like he is experiencing a fresh start with you. I know that sounds callous of me to say .. but that is what my gut would tell me to do if I were in your shoes. But I dont know if I could rebuild the way you are rebuilding ... either.
2. Deep down I dont understand how can he just stop "loving" the OW. He found her the most beautiful person.. where does that leave me?
Was he truly in love with her?
3. His behaviour with her was romantic, protecting, he says he could not say NO to her, any wish of hers he fulfilled. He was not like that with me --
he obviously feels a different type of love for you than he did with her .. has he expressed that to you? Can you live with that for the rest of your life? I dont think I could handle that.
How do I get over these feelings? As for romance I am dead - no feelings at all
Maybe you two need to start more as friends again .. have you discussed this with a counselor?
Love 
