Life After Betrayal

i don't even know where to begin with this one. divorced 4 years -- carried on a relationship wtih my ex after found out after 6 months that he had been having an online emotional relationship with an ex girl friend from middle school. he divorced me she divorced her husband now lives here and found out that they were engaged 2 weeks ago in front of our 15 year old who "just doesn't give a s*** about her" (his words not mine) my 20 year old son also cannot stomach this woman. he wanted the 15 yr. old there because it was important....the 15 year old then went and sat alone for over a half hour whilet hey celelbrated with her sisters. my ex has yet to tell me about this news. my 15 year old told him the other night that he needs to tell me and do it now...my ex said he's not ready to tell me yet. my son told me in confidence but should i approach my ex about this or see just how long it takes to tell me.....he is always saying he cares for me -- he is a rodent and has never thought about anyone but himself.

i would not say anything since your son told you in confidence.

i think, based on everything you have said here that it is going to be important to understand that, based on your son sitting alone for so long, that at this time, your children are NOT your husbands first priority. he is probably so wrapped up in the 'whatever' of it all.

i know this is going to be a rough time for you - but right now i am thinking of how tough it is going to be on your children. change, no matter the age, our children do not deal with it well - when you think about it we (their parents) are their foundation and when something happens to break that foundation they are left feeling a little more insecure.

too bad your husband did not have enough consideration to tell you personally. but then i am thinking integrity is not his strong suit.

Thanks for the input. I would never betray my son's confidence and that's where i was so torn. Integrity is not a word I would use in the same sentence with my ex. There was party that his sister had and invited a comedien who proceeded to tear apart the "ex-wife" while my son sat in the room. he left after a few minutes and said to me "mom they didn't even know I was gone". You are completely correct when you say he's so caught up but not with his children -- one is deployed right now but still....it's ridiculous.....

My thought would be if you are so "happy" and "confident" in this decision you have made why hide it. He's a coward and it makes me furious for him to put our son in this position. Imagine my son had the decency to tell me ...............

think about it - when we are in love (it is hard for me to remember that feeling so long ago) we want to shout it from the mountain tops. we want everyone to know, to share in our happiness.

i am thinking that your husband is NOT all that happy with all of this. i am thinking he realizes that after all of the hoopty do celebrating real life is going to kick in and he is going to be left standing in front of that mirror asking 'WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO - AND WHY?"

as my grandmother use to say when these chickens come home to roost it is not going to be a pretty sight.

something tells me he is going to be sitting in his easy chair some night soon thinking the words to a very famous barbara streisand song MEMORIES - 'pretty water colored memories of the way we were' - as he thinks about you and all he walked away from.

it is time for you to stop looking in the rear view mirror and begin to lay out a plan for your new life. even if you are NOT INTO IT, fake it - TODAY, not tomorrow, but TODAY go out and do something for YOU. begin to take care of and love you. YOU ARE SO WORTH IT.