Hot Topic: Catch Him Cheating

I posted this on the betrayed girlfriends board and then found this board.

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have had a happy relationship that lately has been a little lackluster due to financial stress: a lot of people are hurting in this economy- I have a positive outlook though and know things will get better.

Anyway I was throwing a secret party for my boyfriend and was worried one of our talkative friends was spilling the beans about it because my BF was grumpy...so his sibling suggested I check his phone to see. And I did. And I found a weird exchange between him and his female co-worker. Parts of the convo werent saved but she said something like Is that what you do late at night when no one is at work?" and he said No, 2-3 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Hormones are involved. Home now." I thought it was a weird exchange. What could he be talking about? It is easy for your mind to jump to conclusions so I tried to just forget about it and go about what I was doing.

Of course curiosity got the better of me so this weekend, while we were out of town, I checked his phone again (I feel awful for doing so, I am sorry). He wrote to her "Keep it cool on the texts this weekend. jill is all over my phone because we are out of town." (he was driving and I was answering the phone when his sibling called with directions and such) Now what could this mean? Again, you try not to jump to conclusions but it is very hard not to in this case. I could look on the bright side, maybe say he has talked about proposing to me to her and didnt want me to find out- or I could look on the bad side, and think he is involved with her or talking bad about me to her.

It is hard for me to know if he is betraying me because she is a friend of both me and him and they work together. So if he calls her or texts her, it's nothing out of the blue. Obviously I cannot see what happens at their work- and I've read that if you think he is cheating, he more than likely is. Well I never ever thought he would do that until seeing those odd text messages. I feel guilty for have read them, lost that I may be getting hurt, and I have no one in my life to talk to about this.

I guess I just needed to vent and hopefully someone will read this and give me some advice or at least a comforting word. :(

I say go with your gut.  continue checking the texts.  If he is deleting them I would be suspicious.  Are the two of you talking engagement?  would he talk to her about it logically, or would he talk to someone else?  We all want to believe the best about our partners, but there is a difference between trusting and ignoring.

Dont feel bad about snooping.  I firmly believe that in a committed relationship, we should be able to check emails and phones occasionally.  If he wants to maintain a higher level of privacy, I dont think thats condusive to a partnership.

So basically, keep your eyes and ears open. Check up on him for a bit before you talk to him about it. You need to know what you know before you confront him.

I think the best thing to do is to not EVER let him know that you're suspicious. Act trusting because if he knows you might suspect him, he'll try to cover his tracks more. 

Sadly I've known some guys to cheat that shocked everyone, including their wives..two of them Christian pastors. So don't just figure he's above that sort of thing even if he's a nice person.

What you heard is suspicious enough that you should do your best to find out if he's cheating; brainstorm ideas. You don't KNOW that he was, but continue trying to find out. Maybe you could secretly drop in at his work sometime and get info from people who work with them.

I think you should go with your gut feeling. I think you should install spyware on his phone. Then you would no longer need to go thru it. Every text message email and phone call he gets or makes will send record directly to your cell in real time. Even if he deletes the messages from his phone you will already have them. Best of all he will never be able to detect it. .......Just a thought though...if you are intrested in that route I put down a website below that tells a little more about it.... Good Luck KUP

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-load-spyware-onto-a-normal-cell-phone