Hot Topic: True Confessions

This topic is probably boring compared to the other hot topics but I don't know where else to go. I'm looking for advice and I'm used to being seriously lambasted for not wanting children on any other board I go to. I suppose it will be the same here.

Yes I did something stupid, I married my husband knowing full well that he wanted kids. When we married 6 years ago, I thought that I wanted kids too, so I didn't lie to him. I knew I didn't want them as much as he did, but I thought "what's the harm? it's what everyone does, it will be fun, and I think kids are cute!"

So what ended up happenning, I'm going to make a long story very short here. I was 35 when we married, so we had to start trying immediately. Well all that happenned is 3 years of being pregnant multiple times, gaining weight getting morning sickness and having miscarriages up the 20th week of pregnancy. The last time we lost the baby, I went through the birth process and ripped my body up. The third time, my gynecologist put me on blood thinner which didn't save the baby but managed to cause me to have serious risk for early osteoporosis and now I have a blodd clotting disorder which I'm wondering was caused by that medication.

I have also completely lost my sex drive, anyways, this is becoming a long story, I'm sorry. Because of all that, I decided I really don't want to try again, I don't want kids this bad, and I don't want to adopt PERIOD. I just don't want kids bad enough that if I couldn't just get pregnant and have a baby, I don't want it.

Problem is that my husband DOES...I'v told him that I don't, I really don't anymore. I'v given him the option to divorce me, he doesn't want to divorce. But we still argue from time to time about me not wanting to adopt. I REALLY don't want to. I would rather divorce than adopt. I would rather divorce than be a parent. I don't want to divorce. When we're happy we're happy, although it's getting harder to be happy.

What would you suggest that I do? Just wait for him to divorce me? How can I help him realize that it's not the end of the world if he doesn't become a parent? It doesn't help that his mother believes that not having a child is the worst thing that can happen in the whole world, even worse than getting cancer. My husband is a bona-fide mama's boy and his mama isn't helping anything here.

I'm sorry for all that you've endured, and it makes perfect sense to me why you don't want children after all of that. Can you stay married if he wants kids and you don't? I think you may find this board helpful.

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How can I help him realize that it's not the end of the world if he doesn't become a parent?

You may not be able to help him realize this. He has probably grown up his whole life with the dream of being a daddy and the expectation that parenthood is what completes and fulfills him during this stage of life. For him, giving up that dream may very well be the end of the world. It doesn't sound like you can convince him to give it up any more easily than he can convince you to keep the dream alive.

Your choices are 1) initiate divorce rather than waiting for him to do it or 2) try to endure his nagging about this issue and see if you can tolerate it until he either stops nagging or initiates divorce on his own.