Hi,
I am somewhat new to this board, I have read a few of the posts here and there and am hoping to gain some insight , if not renewed strength in my situation. Not really sure where I should start... I have been married for a year and a half and we have been together for almost 4 years. I have a 7 yr old son from a previous relationship, in which the Dad is still a very active part of his life, and me and my husband have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter together. Everyone gets along just fine, thank goodness, very minimal "stepparent" issues, so all is well. Except , since the day I met DH he was always very low key, kinda quiet which was part of the appeal in the begining...fast forward 3 years ....and throughout those years we have had many many problems..one's that I know for a fact I should have left him over , numerous times.
They came in every degree imaginable, but somehow we've gotten past it and many things have improved in a big way. That being said I feel like alot of damage has been done to the relationship on my part, I try very hard to forget but that usually doesn't work, I have a hard time "letting go" , which tells me , maybe I should have just left when these situations happened, never knowing at the time that it may never go away. Sorry if this seems long, i just feel like a little background might be good. As time has gone on and we've fought our battles , one of the main things I started to notice was that he never really seems happy...he has ALOT of insecurity issues, alot of past family issues and he's never ever dealt with them he just accepts that this is the way he is and it's fine. It has been getting alot worse over the last couple years, he is very ...drab , for lack of a better word, or " flat" maybe, he has absolutly NO zest for life , there is nothing positive , nothing excites him. More frustrating is that he seems cranky all the time and there doesn't seem to be anything anyone can do to change it. He has the kind of life that most men dream of....and then some, and all he's doing is slowly but surely pushing everyone away , including his family. He can't even have conversations with people , he makes it very awkward for everyone involved.
I am very close with his mom and she has even come to me wondering why he's like this, with tears in her eyes , all i could say was I don't know. As of lastnight we had a serious talk about it and I told him how it was making me feel and that I feel like a failure because no matter what I do to make things good for him he's still...blah. I am so tired of my bubble always being burst because he can't find it in himself to be happy for me...cuz he's not happy with himself. He has no ambition, no goals , nothing, doesn't even want to do family things with the kids , he will....but it's stressfull for him and doesn't enjoy it. So in this talk he did finally admitt that there is something wrong, that he doesn't know how to want things anymore and has no desire for anything in life and doesn't even want to talk to his friends on the phone. Now clearly this is depression , he knows that now but has no idea why or what to do, he says it has nothing to do with us...I say it has everything to do with us, because i'm more than halfway out the door because I don't have it in me to keep living like this. I myself have been depressed like this, I DO know how it feels, but I now live a happy positive busy like I like it life. I don't know if I can do this anymore......I love him so much we've come so far but regressed now in these ways. I'm sick with it. He agrees he needs counselling so ....I feel like where i sit now, if he doesn't at least take the first step in getting help....i'm gone. Is this calous of me should i be being MORE patient than i am when I feel like i've been dealing way too long, hoping he'll just work it out. The kids deserve better as well, they need him but not like this i don't think. I even mentioned that maybe we should separate until he gets stuff figured out...but he won't go for that. I feel very stuck.
At the end of our conversation last night , he was angry and did nothing to console me at all, in fact said that he felt I was lectureing him...when all I was doing was calmly , nicely telling him how I feel. It's killing me....anyone that's had to deal with this....?? What would my first step in dealing with this be? There is so much on the line, i'm scared.
Thanks, so sorry it's so long.
Love 
