My wife will not say "I love you", she is not interested in kissing, no hand holding, no hugs, etc......nothing! I can't stand it much longer.
I have tried individual counseling. The counselor got to the point where he thought I should move out to see if that would "wake her up." She says read a book, which I have done. I really don't know what to do. I feel trapped. My faith tells me that I am not to divorce, no matter what. But, I can't imagine staying in a loveless relationship for the rest of my life.
Can anyone give me reason that I should stay and try to work things out?
From what I gather from your other post (feels like a roommate), you have a son in their 3rd year of college. I would ask first & foremost if your wife has seen a physician to have her hormone levels checked. I know many women that have fallen off the libido chart because of this physical issue. Unfortunately, many times this physical issue transgresses the emotional need for closeness. A woman with low levels will often have the "why bother" attitude, and cannot even remember WHAT they are MISSING (unlike myself:) Many resist going to the doctor for HRT, but I also know many women who's sex lives in particular have been saved by HRT. Just a thought . . . that could be an underlying issue for you.
On the other hand, I would also wonder if she might be seeing someone else. I know this is a hard question to be objective about, but I just cannot imagine not responding to the efforts you have made. If my husband tried as hard as you have, I would have no problem - and probably not be on this board! Just my humble opinion, mind you, the humble opinion of an emotionally damaged, depressed, sex starved wife. I know how hard it is when you really start believing that your spouse just does not want you anymore. It is devastating. I have often thought that my husband HAD to be getting something on the side because of how he avoids it with me, the jury is still out on that one for me. Truth is a hard thing to face, but I am trying, if he can just be honest with me, I think I would be okay - whatever the outcome.
I know I am not much help, here, but again - I truly understand your pain.
Thanks for the reply. I was beginning to wonder if anyone still checked this board regularly.
Yes, she has seen a doctor and is on HRT. Her problem seems to be that she is depressed about our children being gone (out of the house) and that I have to work late some. Even when I'm home on regular basis, it's not any different in regards to the physical and emotional connection.
I have asked her if there was someone else that she is seeing and she gives me the roll her eyes response - that I'm crazy for even suggesting that.
She recently said she wants to start individual counseling, but that was over a week ago and she has done anything towards making an appt.
I am just like the woman you describe. I don't want contact with husband because I no longer have any feeling for him. I don't hate him, don't love him, just "nothing" him. It is sad and also very hard for both of us. I will leave when I am financially able; I can't imagine living much longer like this.
I'm fine around other folks, just not him, so I don't think it's depression or children leaving home. For years and years I've been his mother, his children's mother, his house manager, his yard maintenance person, etc. etc., with very little to no participation on his part. He's not having an affair and neither am I, there's just no effort on his part, and no desire on my part.
Sounds like you're really trying but if she isn't interested there's nothing you can do to change her. You (like my husband, and me, and your wife) deserve someone to love and she isn't in a position to give that to you at this time. It's up to you to decide how long you can continue. Good luck,
Emotionally damaged, sex starved wife. Me exactly. Married to a man who is not interested, etc etc.
I have read a lot about sexuality in past years, and realize that sex is mostly in the head. I admit I wasn't that sexual when I was younger, but then my husband had no sexual technique either. After I found out about various sexual techniques, and showed my husband, sex was terrific. Then it came to an end when he again, stopped having sex with me to control me. That all ended three years ago. You should have seen the councellors face when he admitted this.
I don't think if a partner shows know interest at all that it is always possible to resurrect anything. I have been told by my doctor that I should leave, and tried to do so, but financially it would be a disaster, and I am older. If I was younger, I'd be gone like a shot. Get a job, anything. I have had a few men friends who would love to see more of me (!) but trying to wait until we are legally separated.
When you get older you realize for God's sake, you only live once, and you are giving your life to a partner who is uninterested and doesn't love you. My religion does not believe in divorce except adultery. The treatment I have experienced makes me very angry to think legally I have to be attached to this man until he or I die. Life's too short. If you can, move on.....
Love 
