This is a second marriage for both of us (3 years married, 8 together). It probably always lacked emotional intimacy but in the last few years it has gotten worse and I realize I need more. I have been honest on several occasions - have not passed blame, simply said what "I" need, not what he isn't giving. I really believe he is a good guy just not capable of providing emotional intimacy. He thinks sex is how he shows me I matter. I have given him easy ideas... send me a text, ask me how my day was, hold my hand in the car. Nothing extravagant. He won't go to counselling (outright refuses) so I have gone on my own. My therapist doesn't even know what to suggest anymore.
The real ah-ha for me has been the past few weeks... I injured myself and then had to have surgery (unrelated) two weeks later. In the week since I had surgery he has not once said 'how are you feeling' or 'how is your pain' or referred to my injury. He's been sick with the flu and I have been helpful - while I am healing and supposed to be taking it easy. regardless, how hard is it to say 'how was your day' or 'how are you feeling'?
It would be easier to leave if he were cheating or beating... he is a good man, just not emotionally plugged in and it leaves me feeling rejected. I'd rather be alone and not expect anything than be in a marriage like this. It's hard to just walk away though and put your needs above others. I have kids from a first marriage but they are teens and would be ok I think. he's nice to them but not connected the way he should be either. I am an emotional creature and just want to say to him that it's no one's fault, we just see marriage differently. But if we can't fix it and he won't let anyone else help there isn't much left to say.
not sure why I am writing... just need to put it our there in the universe I guess and see what comes back. Thank for listening!
Love 
