Hot Topic: I Don't Want to Get Married

Hello,

         Well where should I start.....with this topic it could mean anything. But it sums it up in so many words and I mean it............I CAN'T RISK LOSING AGAIN! Not only in the marriage scenario, but just in a relationship period. I find it hard for people to commit in a relationship without finances being involved. For example, you and that specail someone hook up and decide that this is what you really what and you guys(on down the line ) decide to move together even purchase items together or have a baby....are you following me?...... okay then, well say that things dont work out and you decide to part. Who is going to take what......who is going to take the baby...etc. Well I have been there and done that to many times(3) and I have had my fare share or replace things or relocating. Also I didn't see him grab the baby when he grabbed his clothes(that I am sure that we both paid for).....so with that being said. I think that people should really think hard before they decide to be commited to anyone and take things into thought.......not only will your heart be broken but other things do apply.....oh you didnt read the fine print in the relationship contract....thats because there isn't one......just that married liences.....yeah the thing that gives you the permission to divorce and get access to the other persons funds unless you sign a pre-nup(then whos says he or she loves you if they dont trust you with there money from jump street), which we sign because we are in love........hey need I say more.......give me your opinion! I AM LISTENING........until then gaurd your funds and stay prepare for the unexpected you married people.....much love

When you share a child with someone, regardless of your marriage circumstance, you go through the "system"... you get child support, custody is established, along with visitation, just like in a marriage.

In a relationship, if you're really that dead set on splitting things down the middle, you have civil court. If you can prove you shared finances, and both contributed to the household items, a judge will split them down the middle.

There are ways to live with someone and break up just as messy as a divorce, but you don't have to wait forever, change your name back... but you can feel free to spend the money on an attorney. SO and I have actually "split" before... for a whole 48 hours. I KNOW should he ever break up with me, he'll give me 3 months to find my own place, help with moving expenses, and give me what I came with, and re-buy the things he's asked me to get rid of. (My less nice furniture set, my bed, dishes, kitchen stuff, etc.) If you are in a committed relationship with someone you don't think would do that, then WTH are you doing? Get out NOW! We haven't financially boughten anything together. He makes $300k a year, and I'm lucky to make $20k. So no, I wouldn't be entitled to any big ticket items in the house. BUT he's also paid for my daughter's bed, her room to be redone, some of her clothes, toys, etc. 40% of the clothes in my closet he's paid for, and they're the nicest things I own. I have tons of jewelry from him... none of those things he would ask for back. If I got hard up, I have a $1,200 watch on my wrist I could pawn... a $2,000 Tiffany's necklace, among other things... he would NEVER ask for them back. THAT is why I am comfortable with him. I am comfortable in the fact that he loves me, and I believe him when he says he loves me and wants me in his life forever... and have no worries or feelings of being trapped.

The whole pre-nup issue... don't get me started. Any PERSON that refuses to sign a prenup is showing their intent to rob one day down the line. And ROB is right. A pre-nup keeps you from taking something that doesn't belong to you. That is why they're legal to have. I would INSIST on having one should SO and I ever get married. He has a lot more to lose than I do, and I want to ALWAYS make him feel comfortable that I would never DREAM of taking it from him. (A law firm, a LLC, and a HUGE savings) That way, should we ever be married, he wouldn't stay with me a second longer than he wanted to, and I wouldn't want him to.

   

I think it's terribly sad that your prior bad experiences have left you with such a distaste of relationships.  No, there are no guarantees that your heart won't get broken sometime.  It takes time to build a relationship with someone, and it's not always easy.  In fact, it's work!  There are steps that can be taken to protect yourself financially, also, like keeping separate accounts.  The previous poster gave some very good ideas of other ways to protect yourself.

I would suggest that you take some time for yourself before entering into another relationship.  There are two sides to everything.  You might want to reflect on what you could have done differently in the past, instead of dwelling on who did what to you.  (Sorry if that sounds mean!)  Perhaps you would benefit from counseling, too.  There are good men and good women wanting to enter into a relationship.  It may just take you a while to find your partner!

Best wishes.