Hot Topic: I Don't Want to Get Married

SO... how do YOU ladies (or gentlemen, if we happen to have any here) deal with anger during a "lovers quarrel?"

SO and I very rarely argue, but when we do, it's always blown out of proportion by lack of good communication from (usually) the previous week. He's in trial right now... well, on his FOURTH straight week of trial for this case he's defending, so MON-FRI I can't talk to him in the evenings, and get VERY limited conversation in during the mornings because he's in "trial" mode. Understandable... trial is what keeps the lights on... and then some.

ANYWAY... we had a 2 day argument. I broke something out of anger, which I've NEVER done. I've also NEVER been as angry before. (...and I'm divorced!) I got the shaft on Mother's Day.

What are YOUR anger coping skills? How do YOU handle confrontation with your S/O?

Usually, we don't even HAVE a confrontation. I don't like it... I get physically ill, anxious, I just can't handle it, so I write my thoughts down, think on them and then hand them to him and take a shower or something while he processes it. Sunday was a whole new experience for me...

   

We're actually lucky in that we agree on most things.   And for those things which we don't agree on, one of us usually figures it's not worth fighting over and let it go.

In the 15 years that we've been together, I've only yelled at him once (he really deserved it).   And I've deserved to be really yelled at once for my actions, but he held back.

i empathize with you about the anxiety/getting ill thing... there was a period last summer where i stayed sick over an argument that lasted off and on for about two weeks.  i suppose that could be why i also write down my thoughts.  normally these quick thoughts turn into two, three page long letters, usually handwritten.

the only thing we've ever had that's worked has been both of us getting away from each other (ie: taking a drive while he hangs out at the house) and then coming back an hour or so later and talking then.  normally, we've both had time to think on our issues, our perspectives, and how to come together on them.  we too have communication issues... mostly in the form of lack of time together.  he has a day job and a night job, and the few hours in between is pretty much all we have since i'm a full time student and have a pretty busy job that does require some travel.  then on the weekend, i am trying to be one with him because that's the only time where we have each other as much as we want; this tends to cause it's own fair share of issues.

i've yet to find a full-proof method that works impeccably well all of the time... 70% of the time, both the writing of thoughts and going to our separate corners ideas work all of the time.  :-)  not that terrible of odds, but still... any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.

very sorry that you got left out on mother's day; hope that you and he have reconciled tremendously since then!!