Hot Topic: I Don't Want to Get Married

We already know that we are same kind of the people that don't want to get married at all.  I have read many of your post that you have different kind of reason.

For me, it is about my parents.  They have been divorced when I was a teenager.  I always want to keep my lastname for my whole life.  I don't think we have to be married in order to be there for each other at all.  I am a kind of the person really want freedom for my life.  I don't think it is selfish to be unmarried at all.  Marriage to me really means nothing to me.  It is just a ceremony.

I also have various reasons for not wanting to get married. I grew up in Russia in a very traditional upbringing. I was always told that unless I become a more interested in household chores, skinnier, etc. no one will want to marry me (love my parents, but they sure chose the wrong approach). I have always been an independent person, and I am happy with the way I am, so I decided that the whole marriage idea is too much trouble. Also, my parents have their traditional gender roles and are sticking with them. Both of my parents work at the same place and put in 40+ hours every week. Then my mom comes home and has to cook and clean. I don't think my dad is even capable of boiling an egg. I am absolutely terrified of ending up like that. They are happy, but it is just not for me.

My other reasons is that I firmly believe that many people get married with the knowledge that a divorce is an option. I am not saying that they are thinking about divorce when they are getting married. However, I truly believe that if a divorce was not an option at all, the marriage rates would drop and this board will become the more famous than myspace (LOL, jk.) My point is that marriage is not a REAL commitment. Many people still feel that they must be married to have children, buy a house together, etc.

I have been with my SO for four years now. When we first started dating I told him I do not believe in marriage and do not feel the need to ever be married. I was lucky, because he feels the same way. Neither one of us ever been married. His reasons were seeing his mom getting married, because she had three children, and stay in an unhappy relationships.

I realize that I am very fortunate. Our families have accepted our relationship (with the exception of my dad, who cannot get over the fact that I live with a guy and no ring on my finger, but he keeps it to himself most of the time, LOL).

Sorry this is so long. I tend to overshare and talk a lot. Thank you for starting this conversation.

I also grew up in Russia with the stupid traditionalist approach.

Yeah, I hear you, although it is harder for me because my Mom is religious,

try to convince her !

I am not a fan of marriage, as I believe that it hurts more relationships than it helps. Yes, it is great for those who get it to work, like my parents who have been happily married for 40 years. But for most of everybody else, they'll either get divorced or stay together in a bad marriage for the kids or financial reasons. About 3 out of 4 people I know in my age group (I'm 37) who got married in their 20s are now divorced. Including my brother.

Too many men get married because they think (or know) that if they don't they'll lose their girlfriend. Sometimes the girlfriend tells them flat out that she'll leave if she doesn't get a ring soon enough. Too many women get married because they're more in love with the concept of getting married and showing off the ring than they're in love with the person. And too many of both genders get married because they like the social respectability of being able to say that they're married.

On a more personal level, I am a hardcore introvert and I need my own time and space more than the average guy. I do want a long-term committed relationship, preferably lifelong, but I really don't see what marriage would add to any relationship I'm involved in.