DF and I have been together for going on 10 years. Recently we had some problems in our relationship bad enough I was planning on leaving. Well, we have worked all of that out.
Here is what I am trying to understand...when we sat down to work things out during our problems, he wanted more sex, he wanted to feel like I wanted him. Not a problem in the beginning and no longer a problem.! So...Sex is great and wonderful, but before our problems it was dull, same stuff! After our renewed love, as I like to call it, he started to talk dirty and trying things, which I don't mind...here is the problem...he is looking at porn and bringing in what he sees from porn! I am very comfortable with him so there is no problem with us trying and playing more, but why is it that I feel dirty like a porn star and a hussie or a tramp? He even will watch porn then come on to me later. (He will do this while I am at work), so he is getting excited to porn, and to be honest it drives me NUTS and it make me feel like I am not enough. Why? (I haven't mentioned to him that I feel like that) I don't think I mind him looking and watching porn, but these feelings are making me crazy! I suppose I will mention that I am 34 and he is 37, don't know if that will be of any use.?!
Do you not like the things that he is bringing into the bedroom? Do you like them and that's what worries you? Is it that you wish his ideas didn't come from porn and rather where something more intimate between the two of you?
Unfortunetly, I think when men watch porn, they start developing certain expectations and desires to try out what is suppose to be "fake fantasy' out with their real woman. And really, who knows what they are thinking. He could be thinkign about those women he saw doing the exact things he wants to do with you, or he couldn't. You really have no way of knowing. All you know is he likes porn, he watches it, then he wants to do things with you or after he watches it he wants to come to you to finish the job.
I personally would worry if he was thinking about the women in porn, and yeah, it would make me feel devalued if he watched porn and then after came to me to finish the job. Like I was just the thing that was suppose to be there to finish him off after he got turned on by other women. I think alot of women have that very honest and realistic question in their mind.
I think you should talk to him about it. You clearly aren't 100% comfortable with what is going on. He needs to know what you are thinking and feeling outwise you are going to build up a certain level of resentment to him and right now you are clearly not 100% happy with him or the sex. But don't fall into the trap of letting him give you the patent answers that he hopes will make you feel good but aren't real.
If there is something I have learned, sadly, it does seem like no one woman is enough for most men. Men want porn and their real woman. Men value porn hugely. They don't just want their real woman alone. She isn't enough. Alot of men aren't happy enough without porn. SO if he is coming to you, alot of men might have the expectations that a woman should just be happy with those scraps and keep offering herself to him despite the fact that he isn't really creating the kind of environment that makes a relationship healthy.
Hey Kelly, welcome to the board. You said your sex life was dull and boring but now it's better? As far as what your boyfriend saw in porn and then wants to try with you, what exactly do you mean? I mean, without being to personal or descriptive, like various positions or what? Do these new things add to the experience? You said you don't mind the talking dirty, do you like it and does it add something better that you didn't have before?
I mean if you say things are better now than they used to be, is it so bad that he may have gotten some ideas from porn? Some people go to counseling because of relationship problems. It seems he has gotten some new ideas for sexual enjoyment from porn. And if the only thing that bothers you is the fact that he got these new ideas from porn, I think you can get past this.
If you don't mind porn in general and it only bothers you that he looks at it alone and then comes to you later, why not tell him this? Tell him you love the new stuff you are trying and it really excites you but you'd rather watch it together to come up with these new ideas, and maybe try some things you like or discover as well.
You seem to have a few issues of your own you need to get past as well as in your post you have a few contradicting statements. You say you don't mind dirty talk or trying new things but you feel like a "slut" or "tramp" for doing them. If you got past feeling like a "slut" or "tramp" wouldn't you just simply enjoy it? You also say you don't think you mind him looking at porn, but these feelings are driving you crazy. So basically that tells me you do mind him looking.
I would suggest talking to him, which is generally the best thing for any couple. Tell him you want to explore and try new things and you love the new passion you have. But also explain to him you'd rather explore these things together and each contribute to bringing new things into the bedroom.
I do enjoy the things he is bringing into the bedroom, and I have voiced that certain "actions" are not allowed! And I do wish they didn't come from porn!
I think what it really is, is I don't want him to be attracted to anyone else! I recently lost about 25 lbs and I feel really good about myself, in the past I have self esteem issues, not real low, but not high either. I know I have some jealousy and insecurities. I also know that I am not a spring chicken and certain things are starting to visibly droop and he has mentioned me getting a boob job! (Which I was planning anyway, after kids though)! So maybe that has something to do with it.
I do know that he tells me that he is extremely sexual attracted and I am beautiful...and he thinks of me when he masterbates (and he has always told me that)! But a bell went off in my head when you mentioned expectations and "fake fantasies", I do sometimes feel like that is the case, especially when he brings in something that I am not fond of to the bedroom. Like, am I supposed to look like that when the average woman is a size 12?
I am by no means prude! It is just these issues that get in my way! I want to be 100% happy with our sex, because if our sex life isn't as happy as it could be now, I look forward to that 10% we are missing.!!
As soon as I see he looked at it, I give him attitude because I hurt inside (if it makes any sense)
I apologize if this is choppy sounding, but I am at work and get interrupted and am terrified some one is going to peek.
As soon as I see he looked at it, I give him attitude because I hurt inside (if it makes any sense)<<<
Try communicating. Tell him what parts you're enjoying & what parts you could leave out. Let him say what parts he really likes too. If you conflict on an issue, trade off on it. Do it sometimes, but not all the time.
Porn came from what people already thought of doing, not the other way around.
There is a difference between being "attracted" to someone else. And actually acting on it.
It is the enthusiasm in porn that is interesting. They get messy & smeared & have a damn good time. Not specifically that they are younger or thinner, or any of that nonsense. The 10% that is "missing" is probably just that. Care less about where the act "came from" and just enjoy it.
Love 
