Pornography & Your Relationship

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=2242760

The question is porn, of course

Summary:

She's insecure because a previous BF had it & this current one hides it, probably also insecurity from a previous partner making a big deal

BUT, she looks up what he's been looking at & gets off thinking of him doing it

So they like it, but they can't share it yet

Dan's suggestion is to make a little game out of it

He watches & saves some for her in a folder, then she watches & deletes them, so he knows she's watched & it's time to add more to the folder

So they are "sharing" it, but not quite together, yet

What do you think?

~~~

BF & I do this to an extent (but we also watch together)

There are slots in the dvd player dedicated to porn, & sometimes we'll set the dvd to a scene, so when the other turns it on, it jumps to the scene the other liked

<We don't talk about such things dearie> Somehow those that have found middle ground seem to be a lot happier....

Agree. There is a time for everything. Virgin face for work & dinner with the parents. Tramp face for home.

If you can't get buck wild with the one you've "chosen," what are you waiting for. Intimacy doesn't spring up on it's own, one has to go thru the uncomfortable trial & error to find out what really works.

To say, I'll only be intimate, when he's intimate first, is no good. Or either, to demand they be intimate in your way. There is no giving & learning there.

Then again, most of the "porn problems" are nothing to do with porn at all. Just a symptom of a larger lack of problems in the relationship. No boundaries, or lack of communication, a power play.