Pornography & Your Relationship

I went away for two weeks earlier this month without my partner. Anyway, things seemed fine when I got back but this morning he left his PC logged in. I looked at the internet history and he'd spent the two weeks looking at hardcore porn. He'd watched videos named stuff like "young boy ***** his mom and sister" etc.

Another site was "18andabused" or something similar.

I'm not against porn but this is a bit much. Do I admit to snooping and confront him or leave it??

Sounds like he took a "vacation" too. He and Rosy Palmer took a trip to porn island.

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Some questions, so we know more about your situation ...

Did you not know he watched porn? Did he say he didn't? Not at all? Or not when in a relationship?

Is it the names, or types of porn, that disturbs you? Was it that you weren't included?

What do you hope to accomplish with the "confrontation?" What part bothers you most out of all this?

What actions do you want to see come out of it? What actions are you prepared to take if he doesn't agree with you assessment of the situation?

You say you're fine with porn. What does it represent to you? Fun for one? Fun for both? Fun for single people only? Do you believe it has a place in a relationship, and what is that place?

Do you think leaving the PC logged in was meant to be some sort of coded message? Like, look what I did, how do you like me now.

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And completely besides porn ...

How do you think the relationship is going?

How long have you been together, your ages, your living situation, plans for the future?

How is the communication? Do you normally bring up topics that might be uncomfortable, but necessary to talk about? What kinds of reactions do you get? Blaming & yelling, or talking & compromise?

Without knowing anything about your background, I'd kind of be inclined to say "just let it go".

As mentioned above, it sounds like he took a bit of a vacation himself!

I'm guessing this isn't a usual thing since leaving one's computer unlocked is kind of a life-long bad habit for most people and you'd likely have found out by now if it was.

Two weeks is a long time to go without the touch of one's partner.

Ignore the titles of the porn.   thye use those titles for anything involving people with age differences.  the used and abused title is just supposed to be an attention grabber, and often the titles dont match what is shown.   So put the names aside and figure out what is bothering you specifically.   Is the amount he looked at?  Is it the type, that he looked at all, that he did it without you?

Alot of times when someone looks at porn online, other stuff pops up so it you go into history, it will show way more porn that what was actually looked at.  I have a specific example.  My husband does not search for porn on his own.  I occasionally will find something for him and send him the link.  One particular time I was looking for nude photos of a celebrity he likes.  i know I only clicked on a few links. ads and other sites popped up and I closed them.  my history showed that I looked at over 20 sites. anyone who saw that would have thought I had been having a great time, when in actuality I was online for that maybe 3 minutes.          So is it possible that he was online for 15 minutes a day?  It just depends what you are bothered about and what issues you have with porn and what is it you want him to change, do or not do.   

You need to figure out you before you talk to him.  I didnt say confront, I said talk to him.  If you have a good relationship, you should be able to discuss this with him.  If you are sleeping with him, looking in his computer should not be some big crime.  find out what the truth is before you panic or let your mind make it worse than it is.  You can ignore it and let it go, but thats not the best thing to do if it is still going to bother you or be in the back of your mind.  I firmly believe issues need to be addressed head on and at the first sign of trouble or hurt feelings.  If this is really bugging you, figure out why and talk to him.  If you cant talk to him, maybe you need to rethink the relationship as a whole rather than just the aspect of too much porn.

That's some deeply disturbing things he's into there. If it's going to fester and change your opinion of him, you need to talk about it with him. Just admit you snooped and aske why he is looking at that stuff. Yeah, he is going to be embarressed but honestly, he should be.

Overall, what where the first things then that ran through your head when you found it and what are the things running through your head now that you think about it?