Pornography & Your Relationship

I am a mid 30s woman, in a 2 year relationship. Single most of my life, and have enjoyed porn for years. I am easily stimulated visually and have an active imagination, as I was alone for many years!

Present- in a 2 year relationship with a LL man, I have received good advice and vented a lot on the mismatched libidos board. I have turned to porn even more since we have lived together (1 year), as I am sexually frustrated and it quickly 'takes the edge off'.

After a lot of hard conversations he is in therapy and is making a true effort to meet my needs. My problem now (or maybe always) is that I can't have an orgasm 'in the moment'. I need fantasy or visual stimulation (porn). For a few weeks I have been not watching porn, but no orgasm during sex and masturbation even though I feel horny as hell and extremely irritable!

Has anyone been through this? Should I continue not watching porn?

Thanks for any advice.

Hello,  I think you should watch it if it turns you on. I think having a good imagination is hot, I can relate. Is there a certain kind of porn you prefer? If it feels good and makes cum I say do it.

I am sure you adore your guy and would like to be turned on by him. 

My bf had the same problem as you.  He wasn't attracted to any woman before me after his ex-gf.  So he associates porn with orgasm and not me in the beginning. 

Sex is not an easy topic to talk about so I emailed my bf telling him that when he masturbates too much and can't orgasm to sex with me, it makes me feel unattractive and sexually undesirable. 

Now the situation fixed itself and he still watches porn - I do too - and we have good sex.

Why don't you find out what kind of porn or sexual things turns on your guy and make your source of orgasming revolve around turning him on and you on and the emotional and sensual bonding and NOT just you, yourself and porn! 

That was single life...you are not single anymore!!! Stop living the single life and having a relationship to porn only!!!

Not saying never solo with porn, but train yourself to associate sex as a primary turn on and porn secondary. 

My personal opinion is that if someone "NEEDS" any one particular thing it is a problem.  If you NEED porn, if you need the lights off, if you need a specific position every time then its a problem.   Porn can enhance sexlife, but it should never overtake it.   You have conditioned yourself to need it because of the time spent without a partner.  

My advice would be to not watch it for a while.  work on what else you can do to make sex more enjoyable.  More foreplay, different foreplay, different attitude, whatever.  experiment on that and work on your relationship without porn right now.  If it ends up being a while without climaxing, so be it.  I think it may take a while to get over.   I think the stress from the mismatched libido also plays into it and you arent totally relaxing and getting into it.  stress on the relationship as a whole also plays into it.  All you should need on a regular basis is your partner, all the other stuff is just extras and should not be the main focus of sexual intimacy.   Again thats my opinion and how I approach my sex life.  I dont think porn is bad, it can be fun, but its not meant to be what sex is about, or how and why you get an orgasm with your partner. 

Thanks for the responses, I agree about not watching porn for awhile, even though it is such a stress relief for me.

And the stress of the libido mismatch, although much improved, has taken a toll on how I view our sex life.

Thanks again.