Hot Topic: Sex & Spirituality

Have you checked out the mismatched libidos board?  Something I've learned there is that men who want/need sex less frequently than their partners will blame it on almost anything else they can dream up. It isnt manly for them to admit they dont think about sex 24/7, atleast thats what they think.  so often they will blame their religeon, or blame their partner for being too aggressive or too needy, or not a good enough housekeeper. 

To me this sounds way more than just guilt.  He may not know how to have sex in a committed relationship.  If he thinks sex is dirty he may not want sex with someone he truly loves. He may seperate love from sex and see them as two different things. He may see oral sex that way as well.  He may have some ED issues and in his mind blaming the religeon is easier than seeing a doctor. The fact that he can't cum is a huge red flag that goes way beyond the religeon excuse. Is it possible he had abuse as a child?  Is it possible he is seeing someone else?  Is it possible he is in the closet?

I'm saying this because true catholic guilt is much more about boundaries and keeping things structured, like only missionary sex or sex for procreation, but even the catholic church is becoming much more nurturing of the sex life within a marriage.  You aren't going to know what is really going on with him unless you talk to him and I would also suggest some counseling.  Despite what he is saying to you, this is way more than catholic guilt if that even factors into it at all.  I'm afraid that if you dont take some action, be it counseling or finding out the real reason, its not going to change. the mismatched libido boards have couples who have been living like this for years and years. They married, thinking it would get better and instead it got even worse, from very little sex to no sex at all.  

doesn't enoy receiving or giving it, says it makes him feel "funny". 

You mean Happy? It seems the church looks down on anything you might be enjoying. If you like it, it must be a sin. That's the feeling I got from 13 years in Catholic school, K-12.

Being 42, he could have gotten messages of a stern & vengeful God. I grew up thinking of God as a happy grandfather type. Who wants to see us enjoy ourselves & the world he created. No time for hiding indoors & feeling bad about things, he wants us to be happy, ultimately.

I think some of the difference between curent catholics & reformed catholics, is when do you want these happy times to start? Current-catholic looks forward to heaven, now is the time to put things off, delay your happiness. The reformed-catholic wants to be happy now, live in the moment & enjoy those things that a full life offers.

(fyi - these are my own terms, not inclusive of everyone in any catergory.)   =)

Try to appeal to his logic? It's not dirty & wrong, just because it feels good. God isn't out to get you & trip you up, he's not keeping track "Ooop, George had oral sex 3 times this week, mark that down in the big book." It's not a book of debits & credits. If you don't pray enough Hail Mary's to cancel out all the oral sex, then you go to hell.

God didn't create heaven to try & keep people out. I think he would want people there, and bigger things than a little happy sex is would be needed to keep you out.

(It's dirty & wrong if you're doing it right)   ;-) 

"Holy mother church" created the list of sins, God created the whole world & the beauty of the human body.