Snooping & Jealousy

Hi everyone,
I don't talk to any girlfriends about this because I don't want to come across as weak and give away personal insecurities but I'm desperate to find out other women's strategies with this!

I have had many relationships and my inner deep insecurities and jealousy problems just transfer over to the latest man in my life and I'd love to find a way to deal with it.

Basically I am an attractive woman (although I don't have the most femine body - no boobs!) I am with a lovely guy who loves me and finds me attractive. but every time a sexy woman comes on tv and especially if she gets topless it secretly drives me mad inside as I absolutely hate the idea of my guy feeling lust towards anyone else! I never say anything to him but struggle then to regain my composure and act normal. It's completely ridiculous I know because men can find many women attractive but still be wonderful and faithful. For some reason when a girl with sexy boobs or whatever comes on screen, I instantly feel unattractive and worthless. I'm 35, I should have gotten over this by now!

What I want to know is what does YOUR inner voice say to yourself when you are both watching say, a sex scene in a movie where the woman has a much better body than you? and you KNOW your boyfriend finds them attractive. Do you have a mantra or if it doesn't bother you or make you jelous, why not?

any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! x

I certainly understand what you're going through. I deal with this alot myself. I'm not insecure about my breasts, but just insecure about myself in general. I don't feel like I'm good enough for my husband, and this steams from being in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time. (previous relationship) It really upsets me when he comments on another women, and I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but it drives me crazy. I know it's crazy to think that he'll never be attracted to anyone else, but I just don't want to think about it. When I'm feeling jealous, I just try to tell meself that I'm being silly, and I start trying to convince myself of all the good things that my husband loves about me. I try to remember he's with me and not these other women, so that must say something about me, right? You just have to start thinking good thoughts about yourself. He knew you didn't have big boobs when he started dating you, obviously it's not that important to him, so try to make it not important to you as well.

Hope this helps a little :)

I have struggled greatly with jealousy, but about real women. I am 12 yrs older than my new husband of less than a year, and he was a playboy before he met me.  Many one night stands, scores of girlfriends, many who were very persistant hunting him on the internet.  So I don't think about the women on TV, I think about all the others he's been with.  I went to therapy to help with this.

Some things my therapist has told me - you cannot control anyone else. Part of jealousy is a desire to control what makes us anxious.  I have asked my husband about women on TV, and  he says, they are "just parts" -meaningless, so that helped. About the other women, he has said, I left them for a reason - I didn't want to be with them and didn't want to marry them.  So you might want to have a discussion about how your partner feels about what he sees.

This last weekend we were in Vegas.  The club Tryst, very exclusive, full of gorgeous young things. Made me very insecure. I actually said to him,
Gee some of these women are gorgeous. He shrugged his shoulders and said, those women are very high maintainance and difficult. They are gold diggers.

So I guess my point is, appreciate beauty when you see it, male or female, and dialogue with your partner.  He may put your mind at ease.

Im looking for the same thing you are! A way to cope with jealously

I get jealous with girls on tv so often that I always check the backs of dvd's for nudity and if there is I usally suggest another movie. Its so bad! If something intimdating comes on the TV ill spark up a conversation to take his eyes away from it. Like you would to a child...

Thats no way for a person to act and I want to stop it so bad. My boyfriend tries very hard to show me Im the only girl for him. He doesnt even have any friends that are girls anymore. I feel bad controlling his life so much espically when I know hes going to resent me one day and I'll lose him but I cant seem to control my jealoously. I get complimented all the time on my looks and I still find features in every woman that walks by that I get jealous of.

I try to just not think about it but nothing works

This has happened to me from time to time...It has not in a while but I have tried this a couple of times and it seemed to get me through the moment and take the edge off!  It might sound silly but I kind of face it head on.  I am a believer that one of the most attractive things about a person is there self confidence.  So in moments if I don't have any I pretend I do.  When we have watched TV or we are out if there is an attractive women...I acknowledge her right away and say to him WOW what a great pair of legs, or boobs, or hair...whatever it is that makes her hot. 9 out of 10 times my man will find a flaw in her and if he does not he might say yeah your right and something negative usually comes out.  But for some reason it just helps me.  But It also looks like Im confident especially if I could compliment another women.  Give it a try I'm curious if it would work for anyone else.