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discussion title:
 

Where to go from here.....?

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message #:
  6674.1
replies:
  5
from:
  kell5265
date:
  Oct-5 9:44 pm

I think after 44 years I may have come to a conclusion.  Pretty set in my head, just would like an outside opinion...

Have been divorced for 16 years.  Have had a few relationships with men during that time..the longest was 2 years, I average about 4 months.  It seems that at first the relationship is fun..is new, but as time goes on..I just always am left wondering...is this it?  I just never seem to be satisfied, mentally, sexually.  This past weekend I went on a 'getaway' with a man I have been seeing for about 2 months....I found myself completely taken with the female bartender.  Completely.  And she with me...even the man I was with noticed.  It is actually driving me crazy to not try to contact her...I wont, but the thought is there!!!  I know my whole life I have had an attraction to women.  In college (and I know everyone has that "college" experience) I dated a woman for about a year...she was a lesbian....I dont know what I was.  I was so terrified of anyone knowing or not living like I was 'supposed' to that the relationship of course couldnt work out.  I have always regretted that.

Anyway...after this weekend, I am just so tired of being who I am not.  I dont really know where to go from here...I am not at point of telling anyone my feelings, hence rambling here!!!!!  I dont want to see the man I went to the resort with...I see us as friends, but nothing more.  With no man anymore.  I dont know what kind of advice I am looking for...I guess I just needed to get some thoughts out and dont have anyone that I feel I can discuss this with. 

Thanks for reading ladies!  I hope some of what I have written makes some sort of sense.  Is just a feeling that has been buried for so long so I could be what everyone wants me to be.  I just dont know ... no...I just dont WANT to do it anymore.

K
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discussion title:
 

Where to go from here.....?

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message #:
  6674.2 in response to 6674.1
replies:
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from:
  cl-healingjourney  Member Icon
to:
  kell5265
date:
  Oct-7 11:04 pm

Hi K!

Welcome to the board!!

I can relate to your coming out experience and I think you will find that many others do, too. It seems to be, especially for those of us who are older, a gradual and somewhat confusing process. So take your time!

Jeanine

Happily married to Shelly

"To be married means we belong with someone else, that we are no longer always alone, ... that there is a parallel presence and spirit in all that we undertake. We are bridled, connected, attended. We move in the midst of the aura, the welcoming soul-filling presence of another human being...

Because we know we are loved, we can step beyond our fears; because we have been chosen, we can transcend our insecurities. We can make mistakes, knowing we will not be cast out; take missteps, knowing someone will be there to catch us. And because mistakes and missteps are the stuff of change, of expansion, in marriage we can expand to our fullest capacity; in marriage we can heal."

quoted from Weddings from the Heart, Daphne Kingma

My parent community on Ning ~~ http://nurtureyourfamily.ning.com  

 "Expect your every need to be met, expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level, expect to grow spiritually. You are not living by human laws. Expect miracles and see them take place. Hold ever before you the thought of prosperity and abundance, and know that doing so sets in motion forces that will bring it into being."

--Simple Abundance, Sarah Ban Breathnach
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discussion title:
 

Where to go from here.....?

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  6674.3 in response to 6674.1
replies:
  5
from:
  cup.kate
to:
  kell5265
date:
  Oct-21 7:28 pm

Hi :)

I've had friends in your position, not easy :)

And I have a friend who found that pretty much as soon as she "got" a man for whom she'd had an interest, the interest faded pretty much right off the bat. It was understandable in all sorts of ways that she tried over and over, incl. the societal expectations we grow up with and see all around us, and the disapprovals she faced if she followed the, well, zing... and her heart :)

Good luck in your journey (and maybe sometime stop by that bar again and strike up a chat with her - you never know where love might getcha!)

kate-in-costume-for-hallowe'en
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discussion title:
 

Where to go from here.....?

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message #:
  6674.4 in response to 6674.3
replies:
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from:
  kell5265
to:
  cup.kate
date:
  Oct-21 8:33 pm

How are those friends doing now? 
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discussion title:
 

Where to go from here.....?

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  6674.5 in response to 6674.4
replies:
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from:
  cup.kate
to:
  kell5265
date:
  Oct-22 3:48 pm

~How are those friends doing now?~

Really super :)
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