"To be married means we belong with someone else, that we are no longer always alone, ... that there is a parallel presence and spirit in all that we undertake. We are bridled, connected, attended. We move in the midst of the aura, the welcoming soul-filling presence of another human being...
Because we know we are loved, we can step beyond our fears; because we have been chosen, we can transcend our insecurities. We can make mistakes, knowing we will not be cast out; take missteps, knowing someone will be there to catch us. And because mistakes and missteps are the stuff of change, of expansion, in marriage we can expand to our fullest capacity; in marriage we can heal."
quoted from Weddings from the Heart, Daphne Kingma
"Expect your every need to be met, expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level, expect to grow spiritually. You are not living by human laws. Expect miracles and see them take place. Hold ever before you the thought of prosperity and abundance, and know that doing so sets in motion forces that will bring it into being."
That first link is awesome. And all should take heart and counsel from the summary "At the end of the day the label doesn't matter; it's what's on the inside that counts".
From one that's kind of evolved from hetero through bi to lesbian and all the confusion and wondering and self-analyzing that goes along with it.
Just be who you are, do what you do and don't worry about the labels. If it's not illegal, harming you or anyone else, it's no one's business but your own. Just like in your intimate life, what goes on behind closed doors is your private life and no one elses.
When you try to break down the labels and overanalyzing them, you never end up with any neat and unambiguous answers anyway. There are dozens of little catagories of "bi". Just like there isn't one catch-all lesbian. And even Felice Newman said in some article "so what if a long time lesbian goes out and has a little fling in a weak moment with some guy, maybe a ghost from her past?" Point is so what? She was a lesbian one day and suddenly not the next?? Not exactly that easy to label is it? As the "supposed" definition would say, some women are attracted to other women mostly on the emotional level and connect with women on that level; some women are attracted to other women on a strictly physical level; Some women are on the sliding scale of some of both. And that still doesn't even consider the "labels" of butch, soft butch, femme, top and whatever else.
It's like who cares. lol "at the end of the day it doesn't matter. Be happy, be content, live for you and not the label makers.
You made some great points! I like what you said about just being who you are. Unless you really need to define yourself, and I think sometimes in the beginning, we do need that.
I did the same thing you described.
I thought I was hetero, then suspected I might be bi, then knew I was a lesbian. And was confused enough at the time that I really did want to figure out exactly which label fit. Now, though, it's not really a big deal.
Jeanine
Happily married to Shelly
"To be married means we belong with someone else, that we are no longer always alone, ... that there is a parallel presence and spirit in all that we undertake. We are bridled, connected, attended. We move in the midst of the aura, the welcoming soul-filling presence of another human being...
Because we know we are loved, we can step beyond our fears; because we have been chosen, we can transcend our insecurities. We can make mistakes, knowing we will not be cast out; take missteps, knowing someone will be there to catch us. And because mistakes and missteps are the stuff of change, of expansion, in marriage we can expand to our fullest capacity; in marriage we can heal."
quoted from Weddings from the Heart, Daphne Kingma
"Expect your every need to be met, expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level, expect to grow spiritually. You are not living by human laws. Expect miracles and see them take place. Hold ever before you the thought of prosperity and abundance, and know that doing so sets in motion forces that will bring it into being."
I'm lesbian, just for the record ;) My concern for how/whether/why other people do/don't label themselves is pretty low, as I think it's totally fine not to do so or to self identify however you wish, etc., but I understand that it can be part of the experience of coming out to oneself, etc..
For me, I felt a disconnect between the word "lesbian" (said around Middle School as "lezzzzbian" lol) and myself for a long time, so often just say I'm gay (when that comes up, for ex.). Why can't it be a pretty word, like petal or dove? But nevermind :)
I don't think it really matters, either, unless it matters to the person using the label for herself. But when people are first coming out, it can sometimes be important.
Jeanine
Happily married to Shelly
"To be married means we belong with someone else, that we are no longer always alone, ... that there is a parallel presence and spirit in all that we undertake. We are bridled, connected, attended. We move in the midst of the aura, the welcoming soul-filling presence of another human being...
Because we know we are loved, we can step beyond our fears; because we have been chosen, we can transcend our insecurities. We can make mistakes, knowing we will not be cast out; take missteps, knowing someone will be there to catch us. And because mistakes and missteps are the stuff of change, of expansion, in marriage we can expand to our fullest capacity; in marriage we can heal."
quoted from Weddings from the Heart, Daphne Kingma
"Expect your every need to be met, expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level, expect to grow spiritually. You are not living by human laws. Expect miracles and see them take place. Hold ever before you the thought of prosperity and abundance, and know that doing so sets in motion forces that will bring it into being."
Love 
