New here, just introducing myself. I'm SAM, 26, and SO is 30. We've been together for over 3 years and living together for 2. I stumbled across this board and realized it's perfect for me!
Question for everyone - I'm curious to find out how you manage your household finances and how you plan to manage them in the future.
SO and I have mostly separate accounts (credit cards, retirement, health insurance, savings, etc.) with one joint checking account for household expenses. Each month we contribute enough to the account to cover our joint expenses - rent, groceries, utilities, eating out and bars (if done together, if done separately we use our own money), household improvements, etc. Our contributions to the joint account are proportional to our incomes, because he makes more than 50% more than I do. This arrangement works really well for us right now.
My problem is this - if we decide to have kids some day and I take some time off work, how will it work then? Would I have an "allowance"? How would I continue saving for retirement, etc.? I hate the idea of having to ask for money each month. My parents had only shared accounts and considered their money "their money", not his or hers. That way, when my mom had my brother and I and took some time off work, the finances continued to function as usual - they just kept using their regular account, only it was just my dad's salary going into it. However, this arrangement wouldn't work for us now, as we're not married and its important for both of us to protect ourselves legally and financially.
Welcome to the board. You have some very important questions. I understand how your parents did theirs, and I understand why you and your SO do yours the way you do right now. You talk about having kids and how that is going to work. Does this mean that you are not going to be married before the kids arrive? If not, your SO needs to start finding out what his rights are as an unmarried father. It is different in different states, as I have found out lately. If you are choosing to be married first, then maybe the two of you need to sit and have this conversation. Ask him how he wants to handle the money situation? Find out what he is willing to do/give/get/invest in your lives together. We cant really share anything but our experience and my experience in this was when the marriage was good and the children were small, my DH was willing to invest most of his time and energy in taking care of the family. We had a joint account. My check took care of groceries and the things we wanted to do...go out to movies, camping, swimming, etc. He took care of everything else since he made the bulk of the money. This was agreed between us before I got pregnant. I didnt have an allowance. I had a checkbook. Since I paid out the bills, I really knew what I could afford to spend or not spend. Both of us were responsible and we were able to talk about our finances. When we did decide to end the marriage, we did so with fairness to each of us and the children. This really takes the ability to communicate with each other. So my suggestion would be to talk to your SO about the finances and see what HE expects as well as what you expect to happen. Let us know how you find your solution. God bless....
My partner and I have combined all our money (like your parents did) from very early on. He has always earned significantly more than I do. (he's a professional and I was an office body)
When we had kids and I became a SAHM, my partner supported the whole family. His income was 'our' income. We simply budgeted an agreed amount for spending, mortgage and bills. I didn't ever have to *ask* for money.
His retirement fund is the only one with any money in it. I guess we view it as *our* retirement fund. I have very little in the way of personal retirement savings, but he will support me when we're old and grey. Like everything else, the retirement funds will just be combined when he retires.
>>However, this arrangement wouldn't work for us now, as we're not married and its important for both of us to protect ourselves legally and financially.<<
I don't know the laws where you are...but I know they vary state to state. Do you know for a fact that you would be financially unprotected if you separated? In my state, I have the same legal rights as a married woman. And prior to that law change, my rights were that I would take away what I put in. Both of which were acceptable to me.
Do neither you nor partner have children from previous relationship?
If you dont, and if you are both in agreement about things...I think you can make this work:
My parents had only shared accounts and considered their money "their money", not his or hers. That way, when my mom had my brother and I and took some time off work, the finances continued to function as usual - they just kept using their regular account, only it was just my dad's salary going into it.
It would be easier if you were married, but even if not, if you have both of your names on everything, etc, it could probably be done.
Another poster said something about in her state her rights were virtually the same as if married....but things like SS (retirement) income etc wont be. Your best bet is to check things out with lawyer in your own state.
You and SO seem pretty responsible about things..........hopefully you'll get some ideas here......then talk with him about it all.
There are probably lots of personal finance books that discuss it as well...?
Love 
