Hi all,
I wrote back in August about my b/f and I about communication and how much is good. I still feel like we aren't getting the hang of things in that regard. We are now going on 4 months of being together and 3 of those is being 1000 miles away. He's come to visit me once and I have gone to visit him. I actually just visited him last weekend for his b-day. [And I'm going again after Halloween b/c I'm from an airline family so I have flight benefits.]
I notice that every time we visit it always seems to be awkward at first b/c it feels like we haven't been around each other in forever and I feel as though I have to put back the mismatched pieces of our long distance relationship that is non-tangible to once again the same relationship but with a tangible person. It doesn't take too long, just a few hours really, and we're back to normal joking around, holding hands and cuddling and kissing when we can.
Last weekend when I went to visit him, the above happened. Then at night we started fooling around and I wanted to have sex but he couldn't get hard. He told me the distance thing is really starting to get to him and it's not letting him concentrate. The same thing happened the next night but he went further into what he meant by that. He said he didn't want to hurt me b/c he was worried that he may not be able to be there for me in the future just b/c he's a recent graduate and is looking for a job with no luck. He says he feels unstable and doesn't want to put me through that b/c of the way he feels for me. I felt as though he was breaking up with me b/c I tend to jump to conclusions. Long story short he told me he hasn't given up yet and he still hopes that something will work out and that we don't need to worry about us b/c as a couple we are very strong.
When I came back, I felt good about us and then the evil PMS reared it's head and now I'm all emo and again jumping to conclusions. We talk on the phone about once a week and will e-mail each other a few times a day. He was supposed to call me this past weekend but he didn't b/c he was at a movie with some friends. He said he would call me later but never did instead we just talked a bit on facebook. We texted yesterday but no e-mail or facebook and again PMS is making me feel as though he's abandoned me or something and that the worst has happened. I wish that I wouldn't think like this but I think it's inevitable.
For the past week I have been thinking about transferring art schools b/c where he lives there are a lot with a lot of good programs. At the beginning of our relationship he mentioned it and was almost begging me to transfer. And lately I've been having a lot of "signs" if you will just random things that pop up about his town what seems like every where I go. So I decided to look at the programs and there's this one school that I really like along with a lot of places that I have always thought would be really cool to work for. I've also thought about stopping school b/c my art program is making me mad. I'm working on my second degree right now and if I stay at my school will be done in two years, but I was looking at the schools up there and it would be about the same time and learning a lot more.
I'm on the fence about this b/c we have only been together for a little less than 4 months but I would really love to be with him. We practically lived together for 3 months this summer b/c we worked at a summer camp and were in close quarters at all times. For one month in there we were together. And when we visit each other we act like we're living together b/c we go grocery shopping together, we do laundry, we cook together, we take turns taking showers, we clean and take care of our pets, he's on top of me about doing my homework and me about him finding a job, etc. I can always remember thinking we just make sense together.
I'm thinking about just sticking through another semester at my school and then during the summer take a course up at the art school I found [if that's possible] and if I like it and can transfer my credits and most importantly learn more and graduate earlier than I think I will transfer. Also if we stay together which I hope we do!
I think I mainly just wanted to write this out to get a non-biased point of view on my situation. Any advice would be greatful! Thanks!
Love 
