Long-Distance Relationships

Hello All,

I just moved to a new town and I don't know many people and just needed some advice on a relationship. I have been dating a guy for the past five months from a long distance. We would see each other about once a month for days or weeks at a time. Then when I was looking for work in a much closer distance to him we would see each other about two times a week. I now have just found a job and moved closer to him. Even though he is still an hour and a half away it is way better then 7 hours away.

A little background is that i have been unsettled the past ten months trying to relocate to the east coast and looking for work. I met him in this time of my life and it has been great. We are great when we are together and he is very attentive and fun to be with. I have never questioned if he liked me because he showed it in every way. He would call all the time, text, or email. He helped me look for work ect. When we were together he was always leaving little notes for me, cooking things I liked and just making me feel special. I really like him.

This past month he has been extremely stressed from work but he has included me in with what is going on and I think he likes talking to me to help him get out of his funk. Now I just moved closer to him even though I am not in my final living place and just renting a room from a friend. He came to visit this past weekend and within two hours said he was leaving because he was uncomfortable. It really hurt me and we talked yesterday and he said he just did not feel comfortable and he had a lot going on at work and did not have the extra time to put into a serious relationship. He thought that since I was not settled and he had a lot going on that we should take a break until we were more setteled in our lives. I laughed about the break part because we hardly see each other as it is. Anyway the conversation ended with he could not come down to see me while I was in the situation I was in but I could come up there???? He told me he would call, which I know he will because he always does what he says. But...

I am now confussed I am excited to be closer to him and see where it would have gone. But this is the first time he came to visit me and he leaves? He knows I am going through a stressful time with the move and my living situation and when he left that just made it worse. In our conversation yesterday he was saying how he likes talking with me and has fun with me but he is not ready for a serious relationship. Does that mean he does not see me as a serious potential relationship or he really just does not have the time for it. I feel he got a little scared when he came to visit and thought oh no this means that the relationship has to progress. Of course I want it to progress but I have not put any kind of pressure on him and just have let it unfold. But now I don't know if I should go along with a break and visit him when he ask or take this as I need to get out completely. A part of me feels that if he really liked me he would no matter what was going on in his life want to progress. The other part does know what he is going through and that he is sensitive and guarded so he might just be scared. Ugh I am so confused and hurt. Any advice would help, thank you.

Welcome to the boards! It sounds like you and your SO have a lot going on.

I'm curious, did the two of you talk about you moving closer to him and plan for that or did it just happen? Did your BF say what made him uncomfortable when he was at your place? Did he not like your roommate? If he said he isn't ready for a serious relationship, it sounds like he doesn't want to be serious. I suggest talking to him to find out exactly where that leaves the two of you and your relationship. Are you still together? Are you only seeing each other or is he planning to date other people? These are things you need to know. If he isn't ready for a serious relationship, there isn't much you can do. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I hope you can figure things out and go on from there.

Let us know how you are doing and what's going on. If you need to vent or anything else, have at it. We have a wonderful group of ladies here!

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Thank you and I am going to talk to him tonight about all of that stuff. I had come to that conclusion yesterday and I got a call from him last night while I was sleeping. I will call him tonight after he gets off work. I think I am going to tell him I am up for casual dating right now but at some point I am going to want more and if he can't give it I will need to move on.

He would say I should move closer, but I or we never talked about moving for our relationship. I had to find work and I liked DC and they do have opportunity in my field. I came here thinking it would be nice to see if our relationship went any further. But I was still far enough away to have my own life.