Lipstick Lounge

What do you say when someone who doesn't want to have kids (either right now or ever) tells you that their pregnant? Whether it's just an unplanned pregnancy, or they're CFBC, I never know what to say when someone tells me their pregnant and they obviously don't want to be!!

I guess I'm thinking of it because Jeremy's sister is CFBC. Her period is late and she's been sick and nauseous most mornings lately. Just to see, she got some cheep pregnancy test at the 99 cent store (I can't believe they sell those there!!) and it was positive. She's really not happy about it. I'm sure she'll get a more accurate test (hopefully from the doctor!) soon, but I just didn't know what to say to her at all. I got the impression that she wasn't even considering having an abortion -- which I don't get at all -- she and her husband seem pretty committed to being CFBC, so it seems that an abortion would be something to at least consider. But I'm sure she has her reasons, whatever they are.

I hope for her sake it was just a false positive (though I think it's pretty unlikely). Anyway, this isn't really about this specific situation: I can't go back in time have a different response. But this has happened to me a few times before -- a friend or family member that I know isn't happy about the news (at least not yet, those that had the baby ended up happy about it for the most part) tells you that they're pregnant. Have any of you guys been in that situation? What did you do/say? What is the right thing to do or say? Does it depend on how well you know the person? (Jeremy's sister and I hardly know each other at all which might have been part of why I felt so awkward!)

Ouch!

I usually just say "I'm here if you need to talk and will support any decision that you make." It is a tough spot though because sometimes i feel like i should say "Im so sorry" but i usually want to say "Congratulations!".

P.s. those dollar store tests are VERY accurate. I got my positive on a dollar tree test. Pregnancy tests are marked up in price so much that its ridiculous.

Well, I wouldn't say "congratulations", that's for sure. I would probably say something along the lines of "I hope things go in whatever way is best for you". If it was a good friend I would probably let her know that I would do my best to be supportive in whatever she decided, or that if she wanted to talk about any part of it, I would listen. I probably wouldn't ask questions right off the bat, about whether she would consider an abortion, etc. I'd probably let her roll all those ideas around in her head and when and if she was ready to talk about it, I would be there to listen.

I was never in this situation but I did have a situation where I encountered an old neighbor-friend who told me that she was pregnant. She was 23 or 24 at the time, and I knew she had been in college for dentistry. I remember being surprised and didn't know whether congratulations were in order b/c she said it in such a matter-of-fact way, so I didn't really congratulate her right away, but then it seemed like she was really happy and excited about it. Oops. So basically, I just tried to feel out the situation and then I took it from there. I congratulated her before I left but at first, I really didn't think it was a planned pregnancy and wasn't sure what the "baby daddy" situation was either, so I felt like I was in an awkward situation.

 

Wow... I would probably say "We're here for you."

And you can tell her that Nancy will adopt the baby :) hehe Kidding!!