Domestic Abuse: New Beginnings

Hi All,

I know I almost never visit this board anymore... but I felt this was the one and only place to share this with....

For those who aren't familiar, I have a No Contact order against the ex.... the judge called it a NO Tolerance No Contact order for 5 years (it's been One year so far). I feel great that for a whole Year, I haven't heard a Peep from the ex. That's quite a victory right there.... and over the last year, I have recieved some child support. It goes directly thru DCSE and they've been doing a great job tracking him down each time he's gotten a new job. I don't get the full amount but I'm happy to be getting something. AMEN.

During the summer I play softball and the children's grandma agreed to babysit each Saturday. The ex has been going to her house to visit with the children. I'm cool with that, because that's the divorce agreement (supervised visits with their grandma). I always call before coming and don't go into the house unless I know the ex isn't there.... Or she'll give me a headsup and say "I'll bring the children out since he's here...."

This past weekend, she didn't say anything about the ex being there. I called telling her I was on my way. I walked into the back yard with the children, like I always do... And as I walked in, he walked by.... I stopped in my tracks. Ours eyes locked for less than a second. We didn't say anything to each other. He walked in the house and the children followed..... I paused there watching to make sure the children went in the house, then turned around to go back to my car.... Then nearly bumped into him again when he came out of the garage. He didnt' look at me that time. I guess the grandmother was outside and he was going out to get her. Then when the grandma came around the house, I told her the children went inside and I left in my car.

I felt so weird even catching a glimpse of him... it's been so long. He had the decency not to try to say anything to me but still..... And I thought to myself, he probably still hates me for divorcing him...

Then after the game... again I called their grandma saying I was 10 minutes away.... At first I didnt' see him, but when I pulled up.. he was in the drive way. It appeared he was washing the car but was on the otherside of it and I saw only his shoes.... I also heard his voice as he said good bye to the children.

He's getting bolder, I think. Instead of making himself scarse when he knows I'm on my way.... he goes about his business making me try to avoid him.... I'll have to keep my eyes open to see if he tries that kinda thing some more...

It's been a year. I haven't heard his voice. Haven't seen him at all. No letters. No messages passed thru anyone. Nothing... just like the order specified. And that's kinda why I dont' come to this board..... I visit the dating boards now, since I've been back into dating and the adventure that has become..... Thank God there is life after abuse.

Thanks for listening... this board saved my life 3 years ago.

Loonybunny

Well hey there! It's my other wonderful sister in Christ :-)

Girl, I don't know how you did it, but if it had have been me, I would have had a panic attack. Gosh, I hadn't seen my abusive ex in a three and a half years,....and I hope it remains a lifetime. I just don't want to ever see him again, you know? You are definitely strong though, you didn't talk him, you didn't acknowledge him,.....you are SO strong. You really are, I mean that. I know if it were me, I'd have had a panic attack sure as a world.

And I know what you mean, these boards saved my life too. Even though you don't post much, we are going to be merging this time next week over to the Recognizing & Dealing w/Domestic Abuse board which is where I first started about five years ago. I will still be a CL there and it's going to be the three of us, me, Gonna, and Lauren. So I hope you will come by from time to time to at least let us know how you are.

Good to see ya hun. I'm so proud of you for standing strong, you had the Lord Jesus walking next to you, yep, you sure did! You can't beat that, that's for sure :-) Take care of yourself and thanks for stopping by (((((HUGS)))))

     

               

I'll be sure to pop in from time to time.....

It's been one year of the new five year NO CONTACT order.... but i still started wondering IF he'd ever change.... I know, they don't change. But I started wondering if after four more years would we be able to be friends. NO WAY! That's why i need to keep in touch with this board. It keeps me grounded!

Yep, I know what ya mean hun.  The third time my ex weasled his way into my life, I flat out told him I didn't want him back and he said he just wanted to be friends.  Well, I tried that, but to no avail.  He was still his hateful & sknotty self.  And then he would get mad at me and curse me if I couldn't go have lunch w/him and then laugh and ask me why I wasn't laughing w/him and he said that is what friends do.  I said, "Oh?  Friends call each other up and cuss them when  their work day is too busy for them to make a lunch date???"  He never said a word. 

Needless to say, you can't be friends with an abuser either. Ayayayaye lol