discussion title:
mean girlsof the internet... heart ivill
message #:
7523.3 in response to 7523.1
I have to agree with Sister Honey... when asking advice on the internet, you are bound to get a lot of responses from all walks of life and it's too easy to take it to personally...
I will add this, however; when a group starts giving you an answer you don't like, it isn't always because they are "ganging up" on you; it may just feel that way because it is an answer you don't want to hear for whatever reason. And that answer may not be accurate; it's your internalization of it that makes it uncomfortable. Searching to get a different answer usually doesn't help either.
As far as whether or not he'll marry; back off on the pressure. There is nothing wrong with remaining unmarried but in a committed relationship at this time. In fact, I don't blame him. You have said yourself that you are relying on him 100% and to be honest, he might be waiting for you to take the reins and be responsible for yourself. He needs a partner, not another person to take care of. A lot of women are seeking a man to take care of them, and that's okay, but you need to find a man then who is looking to take care of someone too. If getting married is the most important thing in your life, then you need to explain that to him and move onto another relationship. But if this man is worth waiting for, then stop with the pressure and accept him the way he is. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't love you, but marriage isn't working for him right now, and no amount of "convincing" will change that. In fact, "convincing" will just look like "nagging" to a man.
Only time will tell if this is the man for you, so relax and enjoy yourself. You may find that after completeing school, and gaining the confidence that comes with being self-actualized, you might want something different too! I can't begin to tell you how many of my boyfriends (and even just one night stands) that I thought were "the one." Then I got a real job and real money and realized that half of those losers weren't good enough for me! It was just poor self esteem that was driving me to think that society would think I had my sh*t together if I was married. :)
I am in the same boat; while my SO thinks our future looks bright, we are in no hurry to race to the altar. As long as he is 110% committed to me, and me to him, we see no reason to ruin a good thing with pressure right now. I changed my mind after an 8 yr relationship before... so who knows? And I love him enough to not put him through another divorce, so I want to be sure this is the right thing for both of us.
I had several friends who "trapped" their mates with pregnancy, and several who upped the pressure and used threats of leaving to get their men to propose. All of them are experiencing SEVERE marriage problems because they weren't totally ready and were "chasing the dream," naively when they tied the knot. Resentment is a very tricky thing; and once a person gets it in their head to resent a partner for whatever reason, the relief is generally a revenge tactic. Don't set yourself up for this. I recommend a brief apology to your man about feeling insecure about his level of commitment and then DROP the entire thing.
Good luck and welcome back! We're not "mean girls" around here... but we are realistic! :)
Love 
