May-December Relationships

I usually don't post about problems in my relationship, can usually figure it out on my own or with the help of DH, but nothing I seem to do or say is working.

Problem, I think my DH is getting to old for me or I am just to young for him. Reason I say this is because we have been having some issues lately. I have been complaining to him that we do nothing together anymore. Our sex life is very stale when there is sex. He just doesn't want to do anything anymore that we use to enjoy. We use to go for walks, hiking through the state parks, taking day trips to do something that we both enjoy. Now anytime I suggest something, he only wants to stay home. He seems to be tired all the time, plus just plain boring. At night he just wants to watch tv, which I really do not like to do. He usually is falling asleep by 8-9ish. Heads to bed by 9:30-10pm.  I do not mind going to be by 10 most nights since I have to go to work the next day, plus I do get up rather early to spend time with my DD's before they head off to school. But every now and again, it would be nice to spend some of that time as husband and wife. No he rolls over and goes to sleep. We have talked about this many times, I get told that things will change, we both make suggestions on how to improve things, to spice up our life, but it never comes to pass. I get rejected most times. That really hurts me. We use to have a wonderful sex life. It's basically gone. I am to young 40, to go through the rest of my life like this. I do love my husband, but do not know what to do anymore. Could it be his age is just catching up with him. He will be 67 next week.

He has been to the doctor for a full check up and everything is fine. No health issues. I have more health issues than he does, but I try very hard to not let my health get in the way. I am a very lonely wife that doesn't know what to do anymore.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I'm very sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this in your relationship. It's a sad thing to feel lonely in ANY relationship, and I think that a M/D scenario can just exacerbate the situation.

Have you and DH thought about or been to a counselor--both as a couple and one-on-one? That might be a good place to start, if only to bring a third party into the discussion. I realize I may be reading too much into what you wrote, but it is possible your hubby is suffering from some form of depression, if he has changed so drastically. Sixty-seven is still too young for him to be acting the way he is, especially if he's healthy. And this obviously isn't easy for you, either--which is why visiting a counselor one-on-one may be very beneficial to you.

Again, I'm very sorry to hear about your unhappiness. Know that we're here for you.

AB

Thank you for your response. No DH is not suffering from depression. When he retired from work, he basically retired from everything. We have had trouble in the past few years because of this. It has gotten worse over the last 6-9 months.

I have thought about counseling, but at this time, there is no money or my time to go. I work long hours outside the home, plus take care of almost everything in the home. It would just be nice to have a husband that would be the partner that I married.

I really don't think that is the case with DH. When he retired, he was excited to finally not to have to go to work everyday. To be able to do what ever he wanted and when he wanted. He spends plenty of time on his lap top, watching tv and fishing. I have asked him if he is bored or needed something more to do, but he says no, he is happy with the way things are since he is not working.

I just can't take the constant silence in my home anymore. I have tried so many times and continue to get him to talk tome about anything, but he rarely talks. I have tried so many times to have date nights but I always get, to tired or not in the mood. I have tried one more time to get him to communicate with me. I have talked til I am blue in the face, and now I have sent him an email, since he spends so much time on his lap top. I know he has read it, but has not said one word. I have told him how unhappy, miserable and lonely I am. If something doesn't happen soon, we won't be togehter much longer. I can't continue to be miserable in my own home.