Dating a Military Man

i am very confused here... the man i am supposed to be dating just went and pulled a 360 on me...

summary: we dated years ago and i told him to go because he wasnt doing anything with his life..

needless to say he has become a fantastic military soldier.... we met up again last year and picked up like we never left each other... you could tell we were so much in love...

he was deployed after superbowl sunday; spent it with him, GO STEELERS then he went to iraq..

i was his support and sound board through the begining and when it got rough...

then july rolled around

he began speaking in past tense and kept saying you know i love you, right? i will always love you.. you know its not my last tour, right? (this is his FIRST tour)

then

he stopped talking to me. just stopped. i emailed and regular mailed, he never responded.

then i got an instant message saying he was going through changes and he wasnt himself....

he said he loved me no matter what....

then he stopped all together.. no calls no emails, nothing. he had a myspace page that had us on it.. said engaged..

then, relationship

now single.

what do i do now? im told to hang on because its what the soldiers go through, and yet, he dissmissed me.. i dont think i did anything wrong, did i?

please, please help me. i dont want to lose him; we have been through too much together.. after he comes home, he will be here till march,  and then he will be heading out for a non combat mission for a year...

thank you, and GOD BLESS YOU AND ALL OUR SOLDIERS

***Hugs***

What a stressfull post!  You must be heartbroken.  I'm not too sure what kind of advice I can give.  I can say that he is probably stressed out with his deployment.  I would give him some space and see if that works.  Just let him be on his own for a while and see what happens. 

Hang in there, and keep us all posted.  And stick around here!

Thanks Karlimarie for my beautiful siggy!



My MaryKay Site!

thank you. i appreiciate all the takling i can get.. i heard that constantly; to wait and see.... he from what his sister told me, is seeking counseling, so that is a good start....

in the mean time i'll continue to pray for him and the others.  i really love him more than anything in this whole wide world, and i don't want to see this slip..  i want to do whatever i can to help and show him im on his side, no matter what.

It is, indeed, very common for soldiers -- especially those facing their first deployment -- to distance themselves from their loved ones. Pre-deployment preparations often include a lot preparation for the worst case scenario -- i.e. death. Soldiers and families are guided through writing wills, making funeral arrangements, the ins and outs of casualty notification, etc. Even for the most experienced, it can be incredibly difficult because it seems like all you're hearing is "You/your loved one is going to die." On top of that, almost everyone knows someone (or is someone) who has come home to a broken relationship or marriage. Unfortunately, it's very common for girlfriends -- and even wives -- to swear they'll be faithful and waiting and end up cheating, stealing the soldier's money, and only God knows what else. And believe me, there's no shortage of people willing to share those stories and hand out the advice that a soldier should just sever all ties before he leaves and save everyone the heartache (him the betrayal, her the misery of trying and ultimately failing). Still, many soldiers find a way to deafen their ears -- but sometimes, when a deployment hits a rough patch, the earmuffs and blinders come off.

Your boyfriend (or ex?) may just be feeling insecure and trying to distance himself as a form of protection, he may have gotten caught up in an online flirtation (no shortage of that either), or he may have experienced something over there that makes him feel like he needs to do the aforementioned protective distance thing either for his own sake or even for yours (i.e. he may have killed someone in combat and feel like you could never love him after that -- or something similar). The only real way you'll find out is to talk to him about it. Let him know that you're concerned and feel like he should at least explain to you what's going on.

So that's what you do. Talk to him. And understand that you may have to be a bit persistent. Saying he's going through changes sounds like he's just facing a lot of stuff and might be protecting you from it, but then again, it could be a classic cop-out. Like I said, you just have to talk to him. Either he'll fess up and you'll work it out, or there will come a time when you're ready to move on. Good luck.

Not to be Debbie Downer, but there is a good chance that he simply doesn't want to be with you. You DO NOT have to stay. In the end, you can't force him to be with you, and given everything you stated in your first post, he doesn't seem to want to be with you.

That being said, you don't have to have done anything "wrong". Some people are just jerks and don't have the guts to admit that they don't want to be with a person.