I'm new to dating after a few long term relationships ended. I took a year break from dating to gather myself and get a clear head.
I started dating again, and have been seeing this guy whose active duty military in his 40s. So far things have been going well until the 19th of September (Saturday PM-Sunday AM) in which we slept together. He stayed the night with me, was cuddly, and all that most girls hope for, he hugged and kissed me before leaving. He said since then he's having a good time, enjoys our time together, likes me, and has fun while we are together, but since has yet to see me. He still telephones and text messages me and keeps in contact with me. Last I heard from him was Yesterday (Tuesday 9/29/09). He was asking about how I was and hoped I would get better, because I lost a family pet on Monday. He shows concern, but the one time I've asked if he wants to go out again, he seems to avoid that question all together and continued to text me later that day. Its kinda coincidental that most of the dates happened just after the 15th and tomorrow is the first, and he's been really iffy on anything to do with a date for the last week and a half. I'm assuming its cuz of either his guy friends complaining (cuz he went out with me on the 19th instead of watching the mayweather boxing match with them) or he's waiting till he's paid again, even though most of what we do on our dates rarely ever cost anything for either of us.
I tend to give him a bit of slack since he's active duty military and my brother in law who also is active duty in another state has been getting temporary assignments to do "classified" stuff, sometimes in different locations since we started dating. This guy and my brother in law are the same class/rank, and the assignements they get are sometimes very similiar, and sometimes different due to job duties differences. I know recalls happen frequently and at the same time. So there are similiarities, thus why I give him slack.
So what gives... I have always thought that a man who keeps in contact after the first sexual contact was interested. Yet I haven't seen him since then and i'm scared that I either moved too fast, that he doesn't want to see me again or is just procrastinating. I know guys are creatures by habit, and this is so out of the ordinary for him, since we met. We were in contact every other 3-4 days, and had dates usually on tues, thurs or saturday nights. I know this has special circumstances with his job... It just worries me... I dont want to get further into this if he's gonna go hot and cold all the time.
My girl friends are telling me to move on, guy friends are telling me that he more than likely will bounce back around since guys tend to do that when they get close, they lay back and then return with a vegence for more and then repeat, rinse and dry... LOL. I dont know what to do..
Hi! Welcome to the board! I'm Steph, 22 living in NC. My husband, Adam, is 24 and is in the USMC. We are currently surviving our first deployment, and Adam should be home in Dec.
The first thing that has popped into my head is... Have you talked to him??? Maybe he is working or has other things going on. I am a huge fan of just talking to our SO's about whatever is going on and being honest and straight forward about everything. If he is shying away from the relationship, then what do you have to lose in talking to him about it?? And if this relationship is going to last long term, then you both are going to have to keep the lines of communication open and be honest with eachother. I would just talk to him and see what he has to say.
Hi, and welcome to our little board. I'm Melanie, and my husband, Tom, has been AD Army for five years and has recently reclassed to a new MOS. He left for 5 months of intensive training a couple of thousand miles away today, and together, we've weathered one 15-month deployment along with countless other minor separations. He also had a year-long deployment prior to our meeting.
To be very honest, a lot about what you're telling us raises some red flags for me. First, I am not a huge fan of the military being an excuse to act like a jerk. Barring deployments, intense training periods, or movement such as PCS or unit transfer, there really just is not so much going on that a guy can't at least call or schedule a cup of coffee on a weekend. Yes, hours can be long, but they're rarely that long. Second, in my experience, the minute someone starts dropping words like "classified," they usually aren't doing anything even remotely close to classified. People who actually are involved in special operations or classified activities simply don't talk about them. Period. They don't say, "Well, I'm off doing this thing for work, but I can't tell you much about it because it's classified." Instead, they just say, "I'm sorry, but I have to work" and leave it at that. People who talk about being classified, special operations, etc are trying to get attention and/or deflect questions. Getting attention sort of defeats the whole purpose of being one of those people with one of those jobs, and those people are actually trained so that they don't draw attention to themselves.
In my opinion, I don't think you can expect much from this guy. He's proving to you that he's not into you enough to choose you over his buddies or explain truthfully why he's reluctant to make plans. (And really, I don't know what your guy friends are talking about. Some may like the chase, but I've never met a man who doesn't give up the game the second he finds the girl he thinks is worth giving it up for.) Personally, I think you should chalk it up to him having gotten what he wants and either choosing to keep you around for when there's not an option he seems more worthy of his time or being too chicken to just say, "Hey, it was nice. See ya." In any case, you can talk it out with him if you want, but I wouldn't expect a lot of heartfelt honesty. In the end, you need to decide if you can live with the status quo or if it's time to move on up.
Love 
