Military Wives

Hi!  I am a 32 yr old mom of a 3 and 5 yr old and my DH is 29.  He has been trying to convince me for years to let him go into the Army.  He wants stability for our family and for us to not have to worry about healthcare, retirement, etc.  With the way the economy is he doesn't want to worry about losing his job also.  He did some ROTC in college and loved it, but was young and dumb and didn't follow through. 

Anyways, my DH has always done everything to make me and our children happy and has never asked anything from me.  I know this is what he really wants and I want us all to be happy.  My main concern is our kids.  I am worried about how this kind of life will affect them since they weren't already born into it and will have to adjust to a whole new lifestyle without extended family, etc.  I know there are schools for children on base, but is it only at some bases?  Are they as good or better than public schools?  Also, what is the on base housing like?  Is it hard to get on base housing?  I feel that since this whole thing would be new to us that I would rather live on than off base to help get accustomed to military life.  Going into the army, we've been told (not by a recruiter) that he would be deployed for at least a yr after AIT.  Is that true? Of course I worry how this will affect the kids not seeing their daddy for such a long time.

My husband has family in the Air Force and I have heard their point of view on military life, but as a wife and mother I would love to hear anything other wives and mom's can offer.  Thanks so much!!

Heather

First off, welcome to the board. I'm Jess (23), my DH is active duty Army.

Sadly, there aren't going to be many straight answers for your questions. Everything varies from base to base and job to job within the Army, so there is no cut and dry across the board answer. Some bases have nice housing, some don't. Some have plenty of open housing, others don't. Some of the schools may be wonderful, others may leave a bit to be desired.

When it comes to deployment, it depends on what job he does, what unit he gets stationed with and what their deployment schedule is, and what our military needs are at the time based on what is happening around the world. Some people get lucky and don't deploy often, others are gone 12 months out of every 24 for years at a time. Some jobs deploy more often than others.

As for you kids, I don't have any children of my own but one thing I know about children is that they adjust WAY better than adults most of the time. They will be able to make friends wherever they go and they will most likely be pretty resilient to everything that is going on.

Good Luck with everything. If there is one piece of advice I have for you, it would be this: learn to roll with the punches and be patient in getting answers for your questions. The Army doesn't tend to divulge information it doesn't deem necessary, even if it's something you want to know. There is a lot of red tape to get through to do just about anything, and if you drive yourself crazy wanting to know everything right away, you'll never be able to adjust.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write back.  I really appreciate the feedback and advice!  I know it will be a major lifestyle change, but as long as I remain positive about it and go with the flow, we will make it through.  You are right that kids do adapt to change much easier in most cases than adults.  Instead of looking at how sad it will be that they won't be near their grandparents, cousins, etc.  I need to think about all the opportunities they will have in being in new places and meeting new people.  I feel alot better about things for today at least (LOL!)  Thanks!!

Hi! I can help, a little bit hopefully :)

Schools definitely vary from base to base but the good part about on post schools is that your kids would have a support system of other children who will be going through the same types of things which is, honestly, invaluable. I'm not saying I would put my son in on post housing if it was no good but if it was decent I would go with on post just to give my son that support from his peers.

Oh, and they should have at least one school at each Army base (pretty sure about that one).

On base housing also varies A LOT, but there is a civilian company taking over housing on most Army posts right now. I know that Colorado and North Carolina have some great on post housing. I would consider living on post to get into the military groove but it's definitely not a necessity. We don't live on post here in Germany but we did in NC. I'm pretty sure we won't when we go back to the states but we'll see how things go when that time comes. It's not hard to get on post housing, sometimes the waiting lists are a bit long but not more than 2 months I'd say.

I would, if I were you, expect a deployment, just to be safe. It definitely depends on his MOS but I'd be ready for one right away so that you are prepared. Of course deployments are hard on everyone. It's not easier if your child is born into it I don't think. My son is learning how to deal with his Daddy being gone already but I'm not sure that's a good thing. It might be good that your children know their Dad very well and know he loves them so that when he does have to leave they are more secure in their relationship with him. Really I don't think either way is easier.

If your DH does make the jump make sure to let us know and stick around so we can help you through everything that is to come! Good luck!