Is It Meant to Be?

I was talking to my mom the other day about relationships and not always getting everything out of one. Like a man (or woman) could be a good provider (or just eager to be there for you in any situation), but maybe not being the best in bed, or having a great sense of humor but having lack of ambition. It made me wonder if there aren't people out there getting all that they feel they need (not want, want maybe being you want someone with six pack abs, that's definitely not needed) out of a relationship or are we always left with gaps unfulfilled but accept it. If we do meet the person meant for us, can they not possess everything we need, security, good sex (which I feel is needed), loyalty, good communication, a strong bond and a drive to move forward (though some people may not need those things, I'm just asking what you feel you need, those are just some things I feel I need) and if not possessing some of those, to atleast be able to work on them and make them apart of the relationship? Or is it that you'll find a person and they are missing something essential that just is not apart of their nature, but you accept it anyway.

I just wonder if people are really getting all they need out of the person they are with or do we just accept and are grateful for what we do get. Let me know your situations, I'm curious! ;]

I do believe that you should seek one person who meets all of your specific "needs" in a romantic partner. If what you really want is a best friend, find a man with great companionship. If you're looking for someone to fulfill you sexually, that should be in your list of requirements. I think there are some traits that a person can like but not need in one person, that's what friends are for! All of my "romantic needs" (good companionship, humor, respect, ability to listen, integrity, and desire for physical affection) are met by one person. If you are lacking something with someone that you absolutely need to be happy, then you should move on without trying to change him. That's just how I feel but it's also based on the fact that I have someone who doesn't make me feel like my needs aren't being met.

I think our relationship needs are deal breakers, and relationship wants are some things that are important, but not deal breakers. It is possible for a person to be all you need with out being everything you want.

I also think far too many women settle for a guy who doesn't meet their needs because they confuse their needs with their wants and think it's not a deal breaker when really it is. If more women settled on their wants and stood firm to their needs, there'd be less divorce and more happily-ever-after.

 

I was married for far too long for someone who didn't fulfill my needs. It was awful. He was LOUSY in bed, but made it seem like it was my fault (he has certain fetishes that I didn't know about until after we were married). He was an ok friend, but a bad partner. He worked hard, when he wasn't quitting his jobs.

I guess what I am saying is hold out for ALL that you want. You will be much happier in the end.

That's a really good question. Ya know I've see a lot of girls put up with way too much and accept situations that they could realistically get out of. I've been there myself, and put up with a long relationship for 4 years. In the beginning it was ok, but after a while things went on different tracks and I was the one that grew up because I wanted more, and knew I was never gonna get a thing by sticking around. Mainly because I was miserable.

I think the big thing is that whether it be the right or wrong person, everyone is gonna have flaws. But when it's with the right one, those flaws are so small that it doesn't matter because everything else that you have with that person supersedes it. You should never ever have to ask, or tell someone that they need to do something in order for you to continue in the RL. The other person should be getting off of their own butt to better themselves, whatever that may be.

Another piece has to do with you and what you accept and tolerate..good and bad. Like for example if you are with someone and they don't have a career and job, and they are living off of others, but they tell you they are gonna change, and you wait...and wait.. and nothing happens.

One thing that I have found that's so true is this. When it's the right person, you both have your stuff together and are on the same path. For example, you have careers, can support yourself, and want to get married and have kids. When it's the right one, there will be days and times when things aren't 100% and sometimes that's ok. It's sad that some people just accept and put up with situations, or are forced into it. I think it's definitely better to wait, instead of settling.

One last thing is when it's the right one, things will fall into place, and he will be the one that you weren't expecting, but will be something that is way better than you imagined. Like when you know your in love and you have that feeling, when it's the right one, you don't 2nd guess yourself.