Is It Meant to Be?

Hello all, I should be getting married next year but have recently found out that no one on my fiance's side (friends or family) supports us. His family is very religious although he is not. I am not in the religion and so his family is against the marriage. It has put a lot of pressure on my fiance because he works for his families company. When he dropped the religion a few years back his parents disowned him for several years. Now they may fire him if he marries me. Also, all his friends tell him he is making a mistake. For a while everyone told me to my face that they liked me and were happy for us. Now I have found out the truth. The wedding has now been postponed while we deal with this. I have no idea what to do. He has been having second thoughts because everyone tells him not to get married and that it will only end badly for him. Its hard to relate because all my friends and family are so happy for us.

The engagement is over for now although we are still together. Everyone he knows is basically congratulating him. :(  I don't know what to do. I am a very family and friend oriented person. It will be so hard to have to avoid everyone else in his life. Any advice?

My advice is to grieve for the loss of this future you'd hoped and dreamed for, and then move on. Marriage is difficult enough with out half of the friends and family poisoning the growth and closeness. His family will always be in his life. Even though they "disowned" him it didn't amount to much because they still have contact, they didn't shun and excommunicate him. Those people will be in your life, will be in your childrens lives, being disliking and possibly hostile to your children, or about you to your children.

Love is not enough. There is also a more than fair chance that once you do have children your man will, out of nastalgia or familiarity, want to return to that religion he was raised in and turned from. That is a far too common happening in mixed religion couples. One gives up theirs to be with the other, and when kids come and holidays are coming around suddenly they want to go back to the religion (and memories) of their upbringing religion.

Unless he is willing to move at least a two hour drive away from his family, stand up to them and stand by your side, and dump all his unsupportive friends, you should not marry him.

 

I agree with DFW. By ending the engagement, he has allowed his family to win and proven that he doesn't have what it takes to stand up for you as the woman he loves.

I find it so sad that his family would treat you this way. But you should move on and find someone who values you enough to make a stand with you as a team even if the rest of the world is against you. If you can't stand together then you won't make it. I honestly believe you should find someone you have a brighter future with - I'm so sorry you were lied to by the people in his life.