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discussion title:
 

Any MW with Single AP?

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message #:
  56866.1
replies:
  13
from:
  deandra09
date:
  Nov-3 12:16 pm

Hello, Im wondering how many of us are married with single APs? Is it just me or does it seem like its so much harder? Being that my AP and I live over 2hrs from each other,I find myself constantly wondering what he is doing? Obviously he is dating other women and so im worried about not getting out of my marriage in time to be with him. Sometimes I dont even know if he wants anything long term with me other than sex. We have been at this for going on 3 yrs now and im starting to get a bad feeling that we are the end. How do you all cope in this situation?
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discussion title:
 

Any MW with Single AP?

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message #:
  56866.2 in response to 56866.1
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  13
from:
  wtf-lostmymind
to:
  deandra09
date:
  Nov-3 3:28 pm

I am married with a single AP.  It drives me crazy.  Right now we are in a strictly sexual relationship at least that's what we are telling ourselves.  He wants more or at least that's what he says.  I do think about him meeting other women and I know he's in social situations that allow him to do this.  I've only been with my AP for three months.  I just have to separate myself from him.  It's hard, but what he does without me is really none of my business.  I still wonder, but even if I knew it wouldn't matter.  Things have changed for us and the new is wearing off, so who knows what will happen after that.  Are you planning on leaving your marriage for him?
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discussion title:
 

Any MW with Single AP?

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message #:
  56866.3 in response to 56866.1
replies:
  13
from:
  notme98
to:
  deandra09
date:
  Nov-4 2:07 pm

I was a MW (no kids) with a single AP. I can't say for sure if this arrangement is harder than two married AP's. Married AP's have two marriages and possibly two sets of kids to complicate things. I think it's just a different set of issues. My A didn't go on as long as yours has, but I understand the anxiety about the relationships he possibly might have going on. My A ended because my AP began a relationship with someone who was free to be with him. It was heartbreaking. I did get divorced but there was no AP waiting in the wings. We did eventually have a real life relationship years later but there were other issues and the R only lasted 6 months - we were also long distance during that time which didn't help. I am now remarried and have a child, and admittedly think about x-AP from time to time. Last I heard he was still single. He contacted me at one point not realizing I was married. This is not an easy road and I have to bring up the point that the majority of AP's don't end up together. The long-term agony of the situation is not worth it, trust me. Go NC with AP, deal with your marriage with your full attention, and even then there are no guarantees. I have nothing encouraging to say, but living clean has it's own rewards. I can look at myself in the mirror without guilt or shame. I will NEVER engage in an A ever again after living through one. The scars remain. Best of luck to you.
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discussion title:
 

Any MW with Single AP?

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  56866.4 in response to 56866.3
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from:
  chillistar  Member Icon
to:
  ALL
date:
  Nov-4 4:18 pm

I've posted numerous comments about this and either I get no response or I get abuse from people telling me that I have no right to question what my single AP does. I still have feelings and want to know how other people deal with it.

I am a MW and get into constant disagreements with AP who is actively dating (intimately). He says he wants more but I suspect he likes his life the way it is.

If I was having an A with a MM I feel it would be easier because there is a mutual understanding. My AP doesn't understand my situation. All he knows is that I am unavailable for a full time relationship and he can be with anyone he wants because he hasn't made a commitment to me or anyone else. I totally understand where he's coming from, but it's still difficult.

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discussion title:
 

Any MW with Single AP?

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message #:
  56866.5 in response to 56866.4
replies:
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from:
  superfreak81
to:
  chillistar  Member Icon
date:
  Nov-4 11:10 pm

I'm so glad people are finally writing about this! I too am involved with a Single AP (he's 39 and I'm 46) and have been for the past 3 years. He has been a friend of our family for many years.  We are so good together...the sex is amazing!  He totally fell in love with me and expressed that he'd wait on me no matter how long it took for me to leave my H.  We were doing great up until March and he decided he needed to "be seen" with someone.  Well, that someone turned out to be a 26 year old who he's been dating ever since!  I knew he had sex with her on one occasion but I just found out last month that he's been seeing her all along! He wants to continue the relationship with what he calls his "cover" so that people don't get suspicious of him never being seen with someone.  I cannot get past the fact that he lied to me about her and will not break up with her.  I've asked him to end it with her at least 5 times but he will not.  Needless to say this is breaking my heart...I'm at a loss as to what to do. I really do love him and want to be with him one day but I cannot get out of my marriage due to finances and a child with health problems.  Part of me says to just call it quits for good, but the other says this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. If we call it quits then it'll ruin our friendship and I'd probably never be able to see him again.  How do explain his disappearance to H? I'm so confused!!!
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