MAS

Wow! I'm glad you posted because I have the same questions going through my head.

Like you said, where is this going?  It's been going through my head since I started the affair about 2 years ago.  I don't know but I don't think we're horrible people.  It sounds like we are though, doesn't it? 

Geeze I could have written your post!!! I'm the same way thinking that I want AP to leave his family and start a life with him....but then the realistic side of me thinks, "this would never work in real life"  "how could I trust him if he did this to his wife?" and my family would never accept him, I would be embarrassed to be seen in public with him and the age difference, well... I feel like its not noticeable now but down the road it will be.  It's like I should just leave him alone and let him live his life with his family while I build my own life.... but my heart is in crumbles because he gets me like no one else.  I feel so comfortable talking to him about anything... I can't picture him out of my life.

So I wish that I could have made better choices in the beginning.  What it boils down to is this:  If you're thinking of starting an affair (and this is meant for those who are lurking now), really consider your options.  Don't let yourself be in this predicament. 

I really wish I focused on my studies back then and ignored AP.  I wish I would have told him to leave me alone and therefore I wouldn't be where I am now with these choices.

I've learned that if I'm going to be in an A, I can't let myself pretend that it's anything other than an A. An A can't be like another kind of R no matter how hard you want it to be.

So I've learned to accept. And I work at accepting. I accept that AP lies to me (just as I do to them). I accept that AP puts me 2nd or 3rd in his life (just as I put them). I accept that the A could end at any time and I may never know why. I accept that AP is never going to leave his W to be with me and wants me mainly for sex (just the way I am about them).

If you insist on pretending that these are not the realities, you're just going to keep hurting like hell. I was that way once, but I've done all the hurting I intend to do. So I accept.

Just my .02

-jana

Janamich67-

Well, that is all great if you go searching for an A and you agree to those terms.

But for me, I never ever wanted to be in an affair with a married man. I started my "affair" thinking he was single and he lied to me about his marital status.  For a year, he lied to me...so yes, I thought of it as a real relationship.  So yes, I am having a hard time accepting 2nd best beause that is not what my intentions going into the relationship were.