Orgasms

I am very frustrated and don't know what to do about this!!
I have been married for 5 years! And I have never had an orgasm till date! :((( I experience good orgasms on my own .... but not during the intercourse.

Me and my hasband share a healthy relationship and we love each other very much! In the start I felt that it may take a while. But it never happened. I frankly talked to my husband about this and he took it in a wrong sense as his problem. So I cannot talk to him about this anymore. And he hates oral :( So that's also out of the question!

I donno what to do now! Is this my problem?? Why am I not having one?

What do you do to yourself, and have you asked him to do the same for you? Most women don't orgasm for intercourse alone. Do you need clitoral stimulation? Have you told him this? Have you tried touching yourself while he's inside you?

Check out this website: http://the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm. Lots of great info and have hubby check it out too.

Welcome Gal_arj to the Orgasm Board :)

I understand your frustration and hopefully we can help you with it.  Has your husband never given you an orgasm?  Has he never given you one with touching you?  That is wonderful that you experience orgasm on your own, but you need to be doing that when you are being sexual with your husband.  Just like BL said, most women need stimulation to the clitoris during IC to be able to orgasm.  Have you or your husband manually stimulated your clitoris while having IC?  If you or your husband hasn't, try it....it works ;) Or you can even use a vibrator if you like.

I'm sorry that your husband took it the wrong way, but it's a concern of yours and needs to be addressed.  Will he be offended if you stimulated your clitoris while having sex?  Also try woman on top, that way you have control and you'll be able to reach one.   This is not your problem, if you aren't stimulating yourself how else can you have an orgasm?  You're obviously not having one with IC and he isn't rubbing your G spot so you need stimulation to your clitoris.

Hi gal_arj, you've come to a great place for info and I hope you stick around.  First of all you need to kick the old notion that all he's got to do is stick it in and you are supposed to explode with insane and amazing pleasure.  You and your husband obviously need to educate yourselves on how most women's body works and what is needed by most women to experience pleasure and satisfaction with their partners.  Most women need additional stimulation to the clitoral area in order to orgasm whether it's via intercourse, oral sex or manual stimulation either by hand or toy.  Do you see that you are in the same boat as most women?  nhgal provided you with a fantastic web site that's informative and eye opening for nearly all men.  You both need to visit the site and learn about the clitoris.  He could join this community and learn allot too.

If you and your husband are in a healthy, loving relationship you should be able to talk candidly and openly with each other.  Now I will admit that the male ego can be easily wounded but he needs to understand that even though your lack of orgasmic response hurts his ego, you shouldn't have to sacrifice pleasure and satisfaction because he's always licking his wounds!  He's getting his and you have just as much right to enjoy physical intimacy as he does.  Now, ask him how he would feel if he hadn't been experiencing orgasms for 5 years and wouldn't he want and expect you to be a part of finding a solution.  The more satisfied you are with the sexual relationship, the happier he will be also.

I don't know why the majority of women don't speak up and let their partners in on what works for them.  Early in marriage, my wife had to masturbate in order to have an orgasm.  Did it hurt my ego, yes it did just a little,  but I was determined to use what she was so willing share with me to develop my skills so that I could help her learn to orgasm with me.    Once I understood what she does for herself I was in a better position to assist her.  And, I can tell you for her it's not through oral sex either, not that I wouldn't but oral isn't her key to paradise.  So aside from oral sex, there are other ways women can achieve orgasm with their partners.   You just have to be creative and your husband has to be willing to work with you until you find the key to your paradise. 

If all else fails, you can always interrupt every sexual encounter during that last leg of intercourse, before he has the chance to ejaculate and tell him you are done.  Since you've never had an orgasm during intercourse and he's never offered assistance in helping you reach orgasmic paradise by what ever means necessary, he needs to find out what being left out in the cold for 5 years feels like.  Nothing will hit your point of view home like not being allowed to finish to ejaculation a  few times!! 

Good luck!

thank u!! I agree with what you all say. And it's not that I don't understand about clitoris stimulation. He also does. I know I/he needs to do it during intercourse. But he doesn't know how to do it exactly my way. I guide him often but then the fun part goes away in all this 'teaching'!

I don't think he understands that it takes a while to reach it! :( He think doing it for just few seconds is enough. I talked to him couple of times about this. But he doesn't understand the gravity of it! I guess in the start it was my mistake because I used to fake it. Now I don't.

I really don't know the right way to talk to him about this. I am worried about his male ego. But I understnad that the only way to have it, talk to him openly about it. :(( But somehow it's not happening!

uhhhhhhhhhhh