AAS

Had a conversation yesterday and it got me thinking, so I'm curious to hear others take on this. 

Lets say you had an affair.  :-)  After some time you realize that you want to leave your spouse for many other valid reasons besides the AP. But you are still with the AP and you are in love with them.  Your spouse has no clue about the affair or that there is anyone else in the picture.  You separate and talk about getting a divorce.  Of course, there are many questions about why you want to leave.  Do you tell your spouse about the other person or do you leave that part out and focus on all the other issues that led you to this point? 

Kate

Imo, if one is talking divorce for many other valid reasons, then I would think there is no need to mention AP and just stay focused on those other valid reasons. 

I would hope that the person seeking divorce would understand how having an affair will amplify marital problems and spousal quirkiness and how it has made for their own disconnection from the marriage with neglect on their part and that an affair that has not stood the test of time...in the light of day...might not live up to their expectations and might leave them wondering why they gave up a marriage that could have been worth saving by giving it one's full attention without an affair partner in the wings.

Clarity 

I agree with the other posters. If the M was bad before the A and not worth saving, than bring up the A serves no purpose.

In my case, there was a Dday. My XH, who was angry and difficult to begin with just got worse. Confessing just causes unnecessary pain.

Donna

I echo what has already been said.