Ask the Relationship Saver

my BF and Ihave been together for 2 years. The plan has always been to move in together after my youngest graduates high school (2011) (his youngest graduates this year).

With the benefit sign up at work recently (and having to fill out significant other paperwork) I started thinking that he should move in sooner (after his graduates - Spring of next year) So I brought it up.

his first reaction was coming up with about half a dozen "issues" (where does everyone stay when they're home from college, what to do with various pieces of furniture, where do we park the collectible car, etc.)

The reaction was not "yeah - let's do it but what about this" it was immediately all the questions. Over the next couple of weeks we figured out those. I finally talked to my child the other day (she had no problems with BF) but the big issue is her father. And the things that were brought up canNOTbe worked out with him. (background - he's an emotionally and physically abusive man) So I told my SO that we needed to go back to plan A and he got upset - mentioned things about "having other people run his life" etc. He told me that if bad behavior occurs on my ex's part I should bring up sole custody.

Since that conversation, hes been very distant - I had car issues yesterday and had no choice but to call him - he took care of it but the entire ride to get my car we said two words. I was home sick today (he made me go to the doctor - his kid took me) and he checked on me once. He finally got home (his home) about 7 called me and ended the conversation with "I just wanted to check on you".

We are normally an inseparable couple. I have no transportation (hes working on the car tomorrow) and cannot go to him.

What's up? He acts mad but won't say thing.

Welcome to the board texas78759,

The behavior you are noticing, has it happened before when he's been upset? You may have to just wait it out and tell him share with you when he's ready.

As for the moving in earlier together, I'd have to say based on what you shared here that the two of you are not on the same page anymore.

Reading material to consider:

Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis

 

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

 

I don't think that's it.

Earlier in the week he was measuring the garage so we could add a bedroom.

I think it's something else. Like maybe I got him excited about moving the timeline up and then changing it back.

It'd be alot easier to figure out if he'd TALK. Guess I have to wait until he's ready. :-(

It's incredibly frustrating to have your partner's ex controlling your life with them to ANY degree.

Be a little sympathetic to your SO. He didn't pick your ex, but he's having to deal with the ramifications of your previous choice.

And if I sound unfeeling, I'm really not. My SO's ex went through a pretty psychotic stage (they share a daughter) and it was awful because there was NOTHING i could do. I just had to deal with the fallout from her s**t and his bad choice.