Ask the Relationship Saver

Do you think its usually a long(or somewhat long) process of getting back together when ex's start talking again? when one reaches out and says their regrets etc and the other says it will be like starting over, talking, then meeting etc....obviosuly its not like when you first meet someone and everything is totally new and its not the same "dating rules" but some do apply....like with ex's it might be talking on the phone for awhile before going out on that date...should this be the time to be patient?

 

i reached out to an ex after a year apart b/c i knew i still loved him (we were together for 3 and a half years) and i left him a v-mail taking a chance..he pretty much immediately called me back and i eventually told him my regrets etc( he ended it but noone did anything that couldn't be repaired--noone cheated etc etc). The next time we spoke he basically said he can't just jump back to which i agreed. He said we will exchange calls and then meet. He also pointed out his hesitancy by saying he never did understand ex's that broke up and got back together and broke up etc ..I don't think this would be something he would do with just anyone so in some sense i saw it as a positive even though it showed he was/is somewhat unsure. My response was well people would have to recognize things that needed to be different. Also I mentioned apart of me thought maybe you just forgot about things(me) and he said you never forget who you have been with and he said but it doesnt always mean you want to go back..and thats when i thought he was referring to us so i said oh even if things would be different? and he said quickly no i didn't mean it like that...so he just meant in general which was a relief.

 

 Also to point out--he isnt good with this emotional stuff, talking about problems, admitting things etc. He mentioned in our first covo he still had my things at his place, he wasn't going to throw them away and whatever I left here is still here.

 

Its been about 2 months of talking so i think i have proved to be patient. It seems like i am the last call of the night when we do talk .Our calls have been nice usually lasting an hour, 45 minutes, some even 2 hours and we talk abut twice a week. There have been times when i call and it takes him a few days to get back to me. It was my turn to call and I decided to change the routine a little and back off this week and not call. I called today and he said he was wondering about me and that he was actually camping, visiting a family member in the area etc.

 

I am thinking the next time we talk I will mention meeting within the next couple of weeks so it doesn't seem like pressure to meet next Friday night or something.

 

It seems like things are going in a positive direction even though things aren't moving very fast right? Some people on other message boards say if you didn't meet by now then he doesn't want a relationship with you. I kind of don't understand that in a sense b/c he knows I can't be friends with him and that would come to an end and I don't see why he would spend that amount of time on the phone with no other intentions. But i thought i would post anyway and get feeback.

 

Thank you! :)