Hi, I'm a 51 year old male. 3 years ago i met a woman S and started to fall in love with her. I had a hard time trusting anyone could fall in love with me and be faithful because in the 4 serious relationships i had previously, i had been cheated on. so while i was falling in love with this woman S, who was living over-seas, i continued to date and have sex with other women. Then me and S agreed to live together, she was going to leave her country and move in with me. I began to feel secure in her love and decided to stop seeing and having sex with these other women, none of which were serious relationships. after S moved in, she found out that i was seeing other women and having sex with them. She was deeply hurt not only for what i had done and for the way she felt betrayed, but because she sacrificed so much to come live me and for the fact that she had been cheated on by her ex husband. i love this women very much and wanted to try and make our relationship work. she agreed to try as well, saying she loved me very much as well. that was a year and a half ago. at first, things looked like they had a chance. but over time it now feels like we are just friends. i tell her every day how much i love her, how i want us to be together and that she means the world to me. i have not been with anyone else or cheated on her, i am very remorseful for betraying her trust. i have tried everything to make her feel special and wanted and loved. she says she is not the same women she was and it will take something to happen for her to feel she can trust me again. i know things can never be the same, but i always thought because we loved each other so much we could make a new start of it and make our relationship work. now i am not too sure. if she can't get over it in a year and a half, when will she? if she feels there is nothing i can do to make her feel better, that it just has to happen, what am i to do? not having the love returned is killing me slowly every day. i love her and can't see myself with anyone else, but if it's not working, and she can't get over what i did, when do i have to face the facts and realize this is never going to work... or do i need to give it more time? thanks for any help in this matter, r
" now feels like we are just friends " A friendship is based on trust. You may be missing a point here.She has started seeing you as a friend means has started trusting you at some level.the missing element for a romantic RS is the attraction.You need to build that up now,IMO.
"if she can't get over it in a year and a half, when will she? " you can never know the extent of hurt she felt after putting her trust in you and then having broken it.if she didnt want to give a second chance,you wont be feeling friends even.
"if she feels there is nothing i can do to make her feel better, that it just has to happen, what am i to do?" dont assume.Talk to her heart to heart.
Did the two of you ever talk about being exclusive? I can understand why she feels betrayed, but I'm not sure the boundaries were clearly set in your relationship.
Other reading material to consider: Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong
See, this is the part that most (but not all) women don't get ..."while I was FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER I was SLEEPING WITH OTHER WOMEN".
Most women can't wrap their brains around this. When we are IN LOVE we want the other person to be special to us and only us, just as we are not interested in cheating on the side. Whether there was a discussion of exclusivity or not, you were close enought that she was considering GIVING UP HER ENTIRE LIFE FOR YOU, and now she finds out you were getting it on the side.
I don't understand why you would do this if you had been cheated on in the past. Did you like how that felt? Then why would you do it to someone you love?
Sounds like she will never get over it. I NEVER would. The relationship would be tainted forever. My husband kept a secret Myspace with exes on it while we were dating and I have never and will never completely forgive him for that, and that is minor compared to what you did. I don't think she will get over this. The river is poisoned. Just an opinion, don't jump down my throat other posters!
You're putting a time limit on her healing and grief...grief that you created .It will take her a long time to learn to trust you when you tell her something... and not wonder if youre LYING to her, and not making her look like an absolute FOOL again, that's what your actions created!!
Do you figure because you didn't tell her you were still sleeping with other women that it wasn't a lie? Didn't you think it would bother her if she knew? Is that why you didn't tell her??
She considered the two of you exclusive, and had the right to know. You didn't act like much of a friend, let alone a partner, by keeping it from her.
Oh, and just to let you know ...she might not ever get over it, in fact, I guarantee she won't. In the back of her mind, from now on, she will always wonder if you are being truthful, and maybe she won't say anything about it, but she will wonder..too bad.
Why??? Because you made it that way. She will just learn to deal with it better but she hasn't forgotten what ya did, that type of hurt runs deep and permanent.
I wonder something, though. If you had 4 other prior relationships with women who cheated on you, you say it hurt you and then knowing what it felt like, you go ahead and do that to someone else!!! Why would you do that! You know how sh*tty you felt, why would you do that to someone else!!!
You know, just because she's not "over it" like you are, doesn't mean there's something wrong with her....you made the situation like it is, so deal with it!!
Love 
