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Making a Second Marriage Work

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I feel like a jerk

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  6259.12 in response to 6259.1
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  whspatron
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  happywife12007  Member Icon
date:
  Oct-29 11:19 am

I have a feeling I'm going to feel this way as well. My boyfriend has a "birthing video" of his daughter and sometimes I'll run across it on his computer desk and I get hurt for a second. I have no children of my own, so I can't help but feel human when I get sad about not experiencing children with him "first". In the event he and I want to have children, I will make it perfectly clear that things during my pregnancy will be different from his experiences with his EW, and I will make it perfectly clear that he is never to say her name nor her experiences. Make your boundaries perfectly clear. It's always a good idea to talk about things before they erupt from you. Sometimes my boyfriend hates me talking about issues so much, but I just tell him it's better to understand what we both want/have to expect before things arise, and when they do, it makes things a lot calmer.
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discussion title:
 

I feel like a jerk

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  6259.13 in response to 6259.1
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  14
from:
  just_elsa
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  happywife12007  Member Icon
date:
  Oct-29 11:38 am

This is where my snark would come out. That's probably not useful but then... maybe he needs a wake up call.

1. YOU are not the jerk here. Seriously? Men who pull this stuff should be publicly flogged. (When I was PG the guy I was with used to point out what the 15 year old speed freak mother of his first child did. No, really. Underage dope addict was the standard I failed to meet. Maybe I'm biased.)

2. You have to get across to him sooner rather than later that this behavior is not okay. If being polite doesn't work, be openly hostile. "I don't care what she did." "SHE isn't the mother of this one." "Yes, but you're married to ME now...remember?" "Sarah is not here now. I'm Mary." "If she's the perfect mother, why did you have this one with me instead?"

He's being a tool. If you have to tell him that in so many words, I say do it.

pregnancy
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discussion title:
 

I feel like a jerk

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  6259.14 in response to 6259.1
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  arianhodsilver  Member Icon
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  happywife12007  Member Icon
date:
  Oct-29 5:32 pm

You are an incredibly patient woman.
By month three I would be "if things were so great why are you here with me now instead of her?"
If month four came and it was still going on, I would have his bags packed and send him back to her.

What he did was so very disrespectful of you. And this has to stop.
I had to stop people comparing my kids from now to my oldest from first M.
That stuff needs to be shut down and he needs to know how bad he hurt your feelings.

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby!!!
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