Some of you may know my story, but for those that don't, here it is in a nutshell. XH has neglected to pay child support for years. The child support division takes his license away, he makes a payment arrangement with them so he can get it back and he pays for one month. He moves around in other states so that they can't really do anything to him. He owes more than $28,000 at this point. He moved back to my state about a month after my remarriage. Now that he is back in the state, they are wanting to get their claws back into him. Which led to the Prosecuting Attorney.
So she calls me and wants to meet as soon as possible. I meet with her the following day. They are making a criminal case against him for non-payment of child support and child neglect. He still comes every other weekend to see the kids, but he has just never felt a financial obligation to them. It burns me up, but I can't seem to get it through to him that he can't be half of a father. He doesn't care what I think. So they will be arresting him possibly next month, when they file charges. I imagine I am going to be blamed for this even though he has no one to blame but himself. Obviously he has never taken responsibility for our divorce or for the situation he is in now. I found out from the Prosecuting Attorney he has already tried to call the Child Support office to see about getting his drivers license back again and he was told the case had been referred to the PA office, nothing they could do. He has not called me or e-mailed me about this. What the PA is going to make him do in order to get his driver's license back is something I know he won't do. So I'm concerned about him picking up the kids with a suspended license. Plus, there's always the outside possibility he'd be angry enough to take off with the kids. He's smart enough not to do that, but when it comes to me - he is pretty irrational and impulsive. When he gets backed into a corner, he runs. It's in his nature. The PA said there's nothing they can do unless he actually runs.
So, what do I tell the kids if and when they arrest him? I have 2 DD's that are 5 and 8. They think he walks on water.
If he gets pulled over with a suspended license and children in the car, there's a slight risk they may be placed with CPS - something you really don't want to happen. Suspending his license is one of the key leverage points the State has to enforce child support. It's in the State's interest to ensure the children don't become wards of the State or even on welfare because of noncompliance (extreme case, but still . . .). I personally wouldn't let my children in the car of someone who didn't have a license. If he produces a license from another State, well, I'm not sure what to do then.
As to him getting arrested, that's just the choice he's made in life. He could just as easily have defaulted on loans or chosen to steal - instead he chose to ignore a legal judgement against him. Now he has to deal with it. He probably won't be in jail that long, just enough to have to supply the info necessary to attach his wages and get the payment ball rolling again.
Sure, he'll blame you - what doesn't he blame you for? Aren't you glad he moved back?
I am in agreement with STA. I would not allow the children in a car with him, for the reasons she stated. Because you know the situation and allowed them to go with him, they could put the children in protective services. If you still want the children to see their father, then you and he need to come up with a plan for a place where you can drive them, and he does not have them in a car.
By the time my kids were 5 and 8, they no longer thought of either of us as god like. Reality is, we are all human and we all have human faults and shortcomings, even parents. I have had to sit down with my kids and 'confess' that I made huge parenting mistakes, and I asked their forgiveness and we have started over from scratch. I think they were 8 and 12 at the time. It was a painful conversation, but we have had a more realistic relationship since then.
Certainly you don't tell them he is an idiot. You can tell them that both of you have made mistakes, and one of his is that he can no longer drive them, because he doesn't have a license. That's the reality. If you are definately afraid that he will 'run' with the children, then get the visitation suspended until it's all straightened out.
Pam
The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.
I have to ask what state you're in. My X has also not paid CS in years. I cannot afford an attorney and CSE is a joke. They have let my X slide the last 3 court dates with the same broke down story he always tells.
My X also has not had a license since before my DS was born. His was suspended for DUIs so i've always struggled with sending my DS anywhere with his father.
How sad it is when you can't trust a parent with their own kid.
My X is now serving 4 yrs on an unrelated charge. I've had to explain many adult situations to my DS thanks to his father. I've tried to instill in my DS the consequences of poor choices.
Since they pulled his license, he hasn't had the opportunity to pick them up. He's coming for them this weekend. I e-mailed him about his driver's license situation and how I was not cool with him not having a valid license. He has informed me that his wife will be driving, but that he still as a legal driver's license from Illinois. So as long as she is driving, he's not doing anything wrong.
Unfortunately, he is a sole proprietor, so he doesn't have wages that I can garnish. That is why the state turned the case over to the prosecuting attorney's office. They have taken his state license twice, threatened to take it another time but other than that, they can't do anything else. If he has another state's driver's license, it is only a matter of time before he will have to get our state's license, which he won't be able to do. They also put a freeze on his bank account.
His karma is coming around and he has no one to blame but himself. But like you said, it will be my fault.
Love 
