Making a Second Marriage Work

OK here goes nothing.....I just celebrated my 35th birthday a few weeks ago (my M and I are the same age) a few days b4 that I celebrated my 2nd month of marriage The FORCES THAT ARE COMPELLING me 2 reach out to ANYONE out there is.....I can practicely count the number of times we've had sex on both my hands I don't know if I'm going through a mid-life crisis thing But I want more! And I feel like I've FINALLY found a "life partner" to 'do the do" with and not havta worry And he comes home from work eats (always) talks to (my) kids about their day (we have no kids together) kisses me "hello" and we talk Don't get me wrong he is VERY loving and we have great conversations But when he sits on that couch after dinner it's not too long he is out like a light Ive tried rolling him over in the middle of the night but it's like making love to a......coma patient (that moans a little) he would be so hurt if he knew I said that! And that's my problem I don't wanna hurt his feelings He's always asking me am I happy and telling me how much he loves me I know he would do anything for me But I really dont think he has any control over this one See he's over weight and even when I do "get some action" it's very short and he sometimes (to me) doesn't get all the way erect. I mean I'm 35 with kids I manage to get on top and "get the job done for myself" But I find myself LONGING for the passion, the connection of making love I want him to touch me not bang bang bang FLIP bang bang bang AND I MEAN THAT LITERALLY (mind you) we only had sex 3 times b4 marriage d/t us being in a long distant relationship But those 3 times were GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!! I even got a little "go down below" action (needless to say that stopped when we got married too) i see what men mean when they say after marriage you only get it on holidays At first I felt bad because I found myself thinking about my X b4 him Our sex life was wonderful, magic, romantic 2-3 times a day Alway oral and full of pleasure and passion I wondered if I just wasn't quiet over my X's ways bcuz we had a few years 2gether But he was killed And Im messed up for comparing But then I thought NOOOOOOOOOOOO that's not it!!!!!!!! I'm not even gettin' none to compare to Now I'm wondering if I got what it takes to accept this as a way of life My body is on fire and it seems the more I'm denied the hotter I get I don't want to cheat on my M And besides this BS I do love him I thought about "toys" but that made me angery bcuz why should I have to do that I'm married for Christ sake! Pls any advise is welcome

I have been dying to write to you all day.  There is a board on ivillage called Mismatched Libidos, they talk all about this topic.  You will find it very interesting as I have.

You are not messed up for comparing...thats normal.

What you didnt notice - which I didn't notice about my current b/f is that your current b/f just doesn't have the same appetite for sex that you do.  I'm telling you the mismatched libido board will make you say hmmmm.

And...what have you gotten yourself into?  That board asks me to ask alot of questions to myself like will I be ok with this forever?  Will this make it or break it?  I always think I will be ok..and then a week or two goes by...nothing...and I start getting depressed.  I still don't know if I can live my life like this. I know my guy LOVES me...no doubts there. 

But, like you I get my feelings of closeness and bonding from SEX.  He doesn't (obviously) because he feels very close to me.

I do not think he is too young for ed....ed can happen at any age.  I do agree that if he cares enough about this issue, he will go to a Dr. to see if his testosterone levels are ok etc.

The first year I dated my guy sex 3 times a week.  Then it started to taper off....but DRASTICALLY....and then I started asking questions.....he kept telling me it wasn't me....and I kept feeling like it was.....then after 2 years of dating...in Feb of last year....he told me that he has had no desire for sex.....BEFORE he met me.  He went to the Dr.  The Dr. found everything to be normal....blood work etc.  Since last Feb....we might have sex 1 time a month....he doesn't know why his libido changed...but it has.  And it DOES affect me.  The question is can I live with it?  Can you live with it?

Again, go to that board...you will learn alot.

Im sorry after I wrote it all out I thought about I didn't mention the fact that he is currently in the military (active). He goes to the gym daily I know you're thinking What the.......Yeah but it makes a difference if you go to the gym daily and eat triple cheese burgers, 5 coney dogs, a family bag of chips........ He's in good shape As far as physical-cardio-he is good at it and the military doesnt really hound you about your weight unless it hinders you from doing the cardio work outs required (you would think different huh?) But he has mentioned he WANTS to lose weight and he thinks working out should just peel the pounds off And when I TRY to tell him that the way he eats has a lot to do with it But he doesn't really have much will power And he says "I'm sorry honey" And he looks so pityful I try to ask him to work out with me ( we even have access to a gym) He always says yeah great and puts me on the back burner On his days off I want to say lets go for a walk or something But he is always "busy" I have to confess I do give in and cater to his eating habit because it has turned into a way we "spend time together" Plus he gets physicals yearly through the military (But I don't know if he told them anything about "that") No I haven't talk to him I just try to work around it by doing little things like coming on to him He will smile and will be all for it even telling me ALL THE THINGS HE IS GONNA DO then it just never happens He's out on the couch! I even thought maybe me being TOO forward might be a turn off for him So I just kiss and hug (him back) and wait for him to advance and we will go for WEEKS!!! WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN MARRIED 3 MONTHS!! I thought about asking him to go through counseling and say it's just because our marriage is new and maybe we need to "stabalize our foundation" or some corny line And if he agrees to go just throw it in there once we get to talkin I just don't know I'm at my wits end It gets harder every day to not just give in to the comfort of the "roommate" sydrome and just be really good friends with "partial" benifits I know how easy it is to fall into that trap I juggle with: Am I selfish, is it worth hurting his feelings if he REALLY can't perform, I don't want my heart to harden from what I feel is "somewhat" neglect I want my marriage to work So bad that I'm reaching out to people I don't even know for just a little light