The Secrets of Married Sex

I have been married for over a decade and I have very god marriage so I can give you my opinion.

You have two issues in your marriage. First, you feel disconnected from your husband because he does not spend enough time with you and put you in from of his friends. This is really a problem. You need to talk to him and find interests that you both like. I strongly believe that when people are true in love with each other there can be "too much" of each other. My wife and I spend all the time together, we even take shower together. We never had separate friends, we never went anywhere without each other.

Your second issue though is more serious to me and if you resolve it it can improve the first one. You misunderstand intimacy in relationship, how important it is and you do not seem to understand men sexuality. The fact you are religious does not mean you cannot be open and adventurous with your own husband. I read once and priest told a couple they can do anything in bed together. Look, it is your husband. The great marriage is all about giving a pleasure to the person you love. Trying different things, does not matter how dirty they are is totally fine if they happen between two of you. The same applies to porn. you need to understand that ALL healthy men look at porn. We have sex every day and I look at porn at least couple of times a week. My wife knows about it and she is completely fine with it. Never compare yourself with porn stars. It is as silly if your husband would be upset at your looking movies with Brad Pitt because he thinks you compare him to the actor. Porn can spice your sex life, there is nothing wrong if your husband wants to try something from porn. If you can make your husband happy in bed he will turn his head for you in other issues.

Awesome post, toy45.

This described my first marriage completely.

I believe if she started opening up to more and a little different sex, his porn habit would disappear or lessen greatly..

That old saying about a wife being a lady in the street and a whore in the bed sure fits. Nothing worse to a man than being rejected sexually over and over again. It does get very old and it does have an effect on ALL other parts of the marriage.

Ofcourse I understand a man has to live up to his part of the bargan, help around the house etc. But in a normal marriage where everythnig is fine except in the bedroom, 3-4 times a week can heal a lot of wounds. Just like everythnig else in a marriage, sex needs to be a give and take activity, and not all one sided.

3-4x a week, are you kidding. The OP sounds exactly like my wife except the fact that she found this board and posted. My wife is a christian as am I and has told me things she will never do. She hates porn, she does not believe in masturbation-thinks that is dirty/disgusting, and does not like any dirty talk during or after sex. Very vanilla. I am used to it but obviously I have a much higher sexual need than she and sometimes turn to porn. We don't have a young baby, our kids are school age and more independent now. When I turn to porn, I always focus on women doing the activities that my wife has told me she will never do. I think this is only natural. For my wife, she will never give me oral to completion, for that matter, she never gives me oral so when I do view porn, I watch oral sex for the most part. Now that being said, I would much prefer to have sex in any form with my wife over porn, masturbation is something I use to help deal with our differences in sex drive but I would never turn her down over taking care of myself-and I doubt many guys would. I just think naturally guys have sexual fantasies and if their wife will not give them these fantasies, they still exist and would my wife rather me watch a woman giving a guy a bj to completion or would she rather me go out and find a woman to actually give me a bj to completion. She would say neither of course but I guess I am just saying, even for a Christian man, I have strong sexual desires, strong need for sex and if my wife will not give me what I need, I have no options except taking care of myself, leaving her or having an affair. I choose to take care of myself.

I can say though, if my wife and I were having sex 3-4x a week, I would NOT be looking at porn and probably not even masturbating. We typically have sex 1x or less a week so a jump up to 3-4x a week, I think I would be sexually fulfilled. I would be happy with 2x a week, 3-4x a week would be like I am married to a different woman, again just not realistic in my world.