I can't eat like I used to, or I gain weight. I enjoy eating bread and butter and desserts and French fries,...etc. And occasionally I indulge. But for the most part, I try to watch what I eat, and I exercise because I want to be healthy, and I want to look good and feel good about myself. However, my husband basically eats whatever he wants and doesn't believe in exercising (thinks it's a waste of energy). Therefore, he's gained about 70 lbs. since we've been married, and he looks as if he's about seven months pregnant. I'll be honest with you. I'm not attracted to fat! Also, probably due to being overweight, he has unattractive, vericose veins, which he's not willing to do anything about, and he's tired all of the time. He also doesn't bother to brush his teeth; thus, he has bad breath. His teeth are also yellow and crooked, and to top it all off, he has scarring on his face from teenage acne. So, the bottom line is that I'm no longer attracted to him. Yes, when I was young and in love with him, I apparently overlooked some of this. But I'm no longer in love. Yes, I feel guilty and shallow for feeling this way, especially because he's a very good person, a good father, and he loves me. And I know I like to be loved the way I am and that he deserves to be loved the way he is. Yes, he knows how I feel, but he's not willing or able to change, and I'm also not going to nag him.
...he's not willing or able to change, and I'm also not going to nag him.
Some of the things you mentioned are under his control (weight). Others are not under his control and were present when you married him (acne scars). Others may or may not have been under his control originally and may or may not be under his control now (varicose veins...see http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/tc/varicose-veins-topic-overview Among other things, it says, "Some people may be more likely than others to develop varicose veins because of inherited characteristics (genetics) and the aging process. Varicose veins may also result from conditions that increase pressure on the leg veins, such as being overweight or pregnant or having an occupation that requires standing for long periods of time."). So I think you need to decide what you require of him in order to be attracted to him. If you require him to be someone he is not and was not when you married him (like someone with no acne scars), then you can't ever be attracted to him and you married the wrong guy. But since he had acne scars when you married him, it seems to me that you can live with some of his undesirable characteristics but that the weight of all his undesirable traits put together has caused you to lose that attraction.
On the other hand, on another thread you mentioned the kind of romance you want with him. If he knows you want that and doesn't want to have it with you, then it seems that you have indeed married the wrong guy for reasons including both his attitude about romance and his physical appearance.
It seems to me that, once again, your realistic choices are 1) leave him and find someone who looks and acts the way you want him to look and act, 2) have affairs with men who look and act the way you want them to look and act, or 3) become happy with what you have. Trying to "fix" him is probably a losing battle and would involve extensive surgery to correct some of the things you dislike.
"The weight of all his undesirable traits put together has caused you to lose that attraction." You're very right about that. I overlooked the acne and teeth, and I could overlook the varicose veins. I can't seem to get past the bad breath and the fat. I wish I could. I try looking in the mirror and pointing my flaws out to myself and telling myself that I'm not perfect either.
My "realistic choices are 1) leave him and find someone who looks and acts the way you want him to look and act, 2) have affairs with men who look and act the way you want them to look and act, or 3) become happy with what you have." Yes, you're very right about that, too. I don't want to leave him. He's a good guy, and I'd feel guilty. Also, my children would be hurt and lose respect for me. Yes, I'm very tempted to have affairs, but that could be potentially hazardous. Ideally, I need to become happy with what I have. I've been trying, but I can't force feelings that aren't there, so what do I do about that???
"Trying to 'fix' him is probably a losing battle." Yes, I've learned that, too. How do I learn to look past the fat???
Thanks. I'm hoping you'll have some more good advice for me. I need it!
The only way I know of to become happy with what you have is to focus on what's good about him and the relationship and forget about what you don't like. You may have to spend some time reminiscing, going through memorabilia and old photos and writing down a list of everything that's good and read and add to the list frequently. When you hear other people complaining about their spouses and their relationships and you find yourself saying, "my situation is better than that," write down whatever it is that you have better. This may include a list of all the bad things you don't have to put up with.
I think it's also helpful to educate oneself about what tends to happen to children whose parents divorce and to remind oneself of that information frequently. My search for information has revealed that children whose parents are divorced tend to have more academic problems, more social problems, more psychological/emotional problems and more problems later in life. And this is true even when the divorce is amicable and the parents get along well before and after the divorce. Also, girls whose mothers divorce and start other relationships tend to be victims of sexual abuse more frequently.
I say all this from the standpoint of one who is not happy with his relationship but is trying to make the best of it for the sake of the children.
This is going to get a little away from the OP's original post, but there are also articles that point out the damage modeling bad relationship skills causes to children as well. I can vouch for this 100%. My Lady and I had basically become roomates about 8 to 10 yrs ago. I had stopped telling My Lady I loved her. I didn't give her a hug and a kiss when I left the house, I had stopped touching her much if at all anymore, I had stopped spending time with her, but I stayed because of all the articles and statistics of children of divorce. They were both already special needs without me selfishly piling more on them. The really worst part of this lasted a good 2 to 3 years but it had been building to it for the 7 or so years before, if not longer.
Both my kids were acting out really badly during all this, they were a handful and neither My Lady or I could figure out why. Then I saw the articles I mentioned above and I started to watch the way DS intereacted with girls. I started to watch the way DD just flat out interacted with people....she was too young to really be interested in boys, and I realized they were both modeling the way My Lady and I interacted. Between that and a few other things happening, about 3 and a half years ago I decided that the kids would be better off dealing with a divorce than being taught such horrible relationship skills.
Thankfully My Lady and I stayed together....we found out My Lady's libido issues were due to sexual abuse and as she has worked through the healing from that, things have improved greatly. Shortly after My Lady and I started working our way back to each other and had started to show affection to each other again and the tension was gone between us, the behavior of both kids improved dramatically. Sometime in there, My Lady and I started backsliding somewhat and what clued us in first was the kids behavior. DS's interaction with girls has improved dramatically and he is old enough now (and we found out an on again/off again girlfriend of his was and is being abused) so we sat him down and just gave him the highlights of what happened to My Lady and why My Lady had been the way she was and that it had stressed our marriage.
I can say this, one good thing that has come out of this is DS is much more interested in compatibility with a girl that great looks.
So to wrap it all up, sometimes staying is not the best answer. The damage being caused by modeling bad relationship skills is as bad if not worse than the damage caused by a divorce. Pick your poison.
Love 
