Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Update: my third appointment with a counselor is in two more days. Sorry for the length.

I'm having a H 2 H talk with the B/F tonight. We need to talk and get more things out in the open such as the job and finances situation, that I'm not signing another lease with him until he has a sufficient full time job, and that he is expected to start paying his fair share of the bills by September 1 or I'm looking for a new home because I'm done financially supporting him. I feel an overwhelming need to have my own space again. When I think about it, despite the good times we have had and the close family and friend ties we share, he's a financial mess and is dragging me down.  Just because I earn more, it does not mean that I am obligated to spend more, if not all, of my money to provide a comfortable lifestyle for HIM. This relationship is out of balance and has been for a long time.

The business has not improved. Bottom line is we agreed to observe the business until Aug.15 and decide on that day if it will stay open or close its doors. I have a strong feeling that it will be closing. The B/F is now spending even LESS time in the shop (due to the heat) doing any sort of work. He and his partner are waiting on a prototype to arrive and seem to think that this will "take off" and be the widget that takes the company to the next level. As for me, all I've heard is a lot of excited talk (the same type of excited talk when he first said "we'll be so busy in a few months") but nothing more so I'm skeptical. Business has slumped; no orders for nearly 6 weeks now, and over $2K in outstanding invoices that are over 30 days past due. One we've had out since May and he's not following up with the customer unless I ask about it.

I was on vacation last week - and on strike. It was great! There was no cook, no maid, no laundress, etc.  I did my own laundry, cleaned up after myself, cooked my own meals. His messes stayed where he made/left them, and it wasn't until Friday that he started washing his laundry.  Then he made sure to verbalize that he did laundry (see? I did laundry!) and got no response from me. After about 3 days of me being on strike he seemed to snap to the fact his dishes were still on the counter, the fast food drink cup was still on the counter, his messes and clutter weren't being cleared.  So he started cleaning up - about half the time.  I am still on strike because I decided I am no longer his 'mommy'.

He is working less, still failing to contribute to the household expenses, and thus far has made no moves toward putting together a resume or looking for a job. He's not taking me seriously is what my perception is. So tonight I expect to be an eye-opening talk. I'm done financially supporting him, I am no longer his 'mommy', and if he can't pony up to pay his expenses, I'm out and he can worry about it himself. I love him but not enough to spend the rest of my life enabling him, mommying him, or providing him with a comfy lifestyle that he can't afford to provide for himself.

He walked out this afternoon.  He asked me specifically "what do you want from me?"  So I told him. 

I said I wanted, expected that he carry his fair share of the load both financially and around the house.  His response? "So what you are telling me is that I need to get off my ass and find a job?" I said yes, but I won't say it that way because it is rude. He said no, it is blunt and you can't be blunt because you're too nice."

So left and said he is going to go to his brother's (where the rent will be practically nothing) and instead of finding a job and taking care of his own affairs, he's going to make himself a burden to someone else and dump his problems on someone else's doorstep and make me the scapegoat.

Worst part is, I love his family and they love me...now I fear that (because I know he's badmouthing me already) I'll be shut out of visiting them, talking to them, and they will become pi$$ed at me because he's now living with them (and most likely badmouthing me).

Funny thing is this: when I was recently approved for a mortgage, he told family via text message that "we were qualified for a mortgage". His brother's response back via text: "you mean <she> was qualified for a mortgage." One of the many qualities I like about his brother is that he's blunt and to the point and knows where the chips lie. I am pretty certain when those two sit down and have a talk, he'll be giving my EX an earful (and hopefully won't listen to the trash talking that the ex will no doubt be doing) about how he needs to start taking ownership and responsibility for his own life.

Time to gather thoughts and start thinking about my next steps...but not tonight. Tomorrow.