Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I've posted here before, but it was years ago about another guy... turns out I listened to the advice given to me and left him, I hadn't been happier since before we started dating!! =) So for everyone's help with my last relationship, and the help I'm sure I will recieve now, thanks!! 

Like I said, I left my boyfriend of three years about three years ago, had some single time, had A LOT of fun and started dating a guy I knew years ago but had lost touch with.  Well one thing led to another and three years flew by and now I'm engaged, to be married next month.  I love my fiance with everything I have and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else; I'm just not sure he feels the same way. 

Our story is a long one... We were great for a while, then his crazy ex started calling, showing up, calling me.  It got completely ridiculous, worse than I had ever seen.... this girl was an all out loon.  Anyway, while he kept telling me how crazy she was and how sorry he is for the drama, he still talked to her on occasion even though he knew it really upset me.  After a few fights and some tears, they stopped talking.  On to the next girl.... His friend of 10 years or something like that. I knew her intentions from the start, all she wanted to do was hang out with him, never me.  You know those kinds of girls.  Anyway, things got to a point where he talked to her all the time, every day.  One day I snooped and found that he had told her he was single now and it was too bad she wasn't.  I left him that night, moved out.  He ended up sleeping with her the next day.  We were supposed to be working on things (This story is very similar to that of the friends episode lol) we were on more of a break than a break up.  So after about a week or so word gets around that they slept together (I live in a very small town) and I freaked out.  I said I was done and I wasn't working on it with someone who obviously didn't care to work on it with me.  Three months later, we're dating again and shortly after that we're engaged. 

*Quick disclaimer - I know I've made him sound like a complete slime, but he really isn't.  He treats me well and really does bend over backwards for me; our only fights have been about girls and sometimes I feel like he's not romatic enough, but he never was so it's expected.

Fast forward to last week. He sends me a text accidentally, this text was supposed to go to another girl. It reads "Can't do friday, maybe next week".  So I call him and ask him why he's making plans with a girl.  He lies and tells me I've got the numbers mixed up, he meant to send it to his buddy.  Here's the thing, I pay our phone bill, it's in my name and I can see exactly who he tried to text and it was the girl.  Well that night I called him out on it.  He apologized for lying but swore he was just being nice and didn't want to completely decline her lunch offer.  Now this week... I woke up yesterday morning and checked his phone to see what time it was to find that she had text him "I keep having dreams about you!" and then this morning (she wrote him at 245am) "I guess you didn't feel like texting me today".  I deleted both message before he ever saw them. 

Well that's the end of my forever long story, thanks for getting this far!! I guess I just don't know what to do.  I do love him and I had never been more excited about anything when it came to marrying him, but now I'm so confused.  I don't want to marry someone who lies to me about petty things.  He's says it was just to dogde a fight, but it still doesn't seem fair.  I feel like I'm not myself... I'm not the jealous girl who doesn't like him talking to other girls.  No I don't beleive guys and girls shoudl be close-go-out-to-lunch friends after one is married, but to text and say what's up or how's the wife shouldn't be a big deal as long as they respect our marriage.  The things this girl and every other girl up until this point, says to him shows no sign of respect.  I look at his facebook to see if he's talking to her and even contemplated putting a spyware thing on his phone so I can read what they say - I know that sounds insane and no I haven't done it but I just don't want to end up marrying someone who lies.  But at the same time, I don't want to let my head take over and accuse him of something he's not doing and ruin our relationship out of jealousy. Any advice would be great!  Thank you.  

I think he is lying to you a little too easily. So if you had not found out about the lunch meeting through the accidental text, he would have gone out with her and you would not be the wiser. I think there should be complete transparency about each other when you are engaged and eventually married. I mean he doesn't have to tell you when hes going to the bank or going to the grocery store, but having lunch with a woman unbeknown to you is not appropriate. As usual we have the man denying things and lying, supposedly to not cause a fight. Well yes of course it won't cause a fight if you don't find out about his sneaking around. Any woman who texts those kinds of things to an engaged or married man knows she is doing something wrong and your fiancee should be telling her he cannot associate with someone who sends inappropriate messages. He does not have to be nice, he can tell her no because she is crossing the line, but he didn't, which means he condones it or likes it and there is more to this story than you know.

So what you have are unanswered questions that are nagging you and now that clouds your ability to ever trust him unless he comes clean. I think you need to demand all contact with her be stopped, he needs to tell her to go away and he needs to come clean. You don't want to marry someone with that kind of doubt hanging over you, it will eat you up.

Wow,

I think that's some of the most constructive advice I've gotten on the situation. 

When we were arguing about the lies, that what I told him; it's not realy even what he's lieing about that upsets me, but rather the fact that it comes so easily.  I also pointed out that I would have never known about the lunch 'date' either and he said "I was never going to go". 

I definitely plan on sitting him down before we exchange "I do's" though and having a long talk about expectations and what is and isn't okay.  The texts she sends him at these late hours are inappropriate for an engaged man to be getting and I don't want it to continue on after we get married.  Her intentions are pretty clear regardless of what he chooses to beleive. 

>>The texts she sends him at these late hours are inappropriate for an engaged man to be getting and I don't want it to continue on after we get married.  Her intentions are pretty clear regardless of what he chooses to beleive.<< 

Yet she wouldn't send texts unless she was getting a signal (direct or indirect) that it's OK to do so. A woman (unless she is a nut) will only keep calling and texting a man if he has given her reason to think it's OK. Your last paragraph seems to assign blame to her and not to him. I'm not saying she isn't wrong, but HE is the one who is about to make the commitment to you.

About the lying, that part concerns me too. I don't believe for a moment that he lied only to avoid arguments. Anyone who lies about small stuff will ABSOLUTELY lie about other things.

Stlbabe,

Hi. Here's my two cents: If you go forward and marry this guy you're going to get exactly what you have now: a cheater. He's obviously not able to commit to you so don't even think about marrying him. Break it off, permanently. You deserve someone who is capable of commiting unconditionally.

If you want a preview of what your life would be life if you did marry this guy just go visit the "betrayed spouses" or "surviving divorce" boards on ivillage. All those women would tell you to trust you gut and RUN like heck in the opposite direction.

Good luck.