Should I Stay or Should I Go?

hello, i am in serious need of relationship help! I have been with my fiance for a little over 2 years now. We were together for about 5 months before he proposed to me. after that we have lived together ever since. haven't really made any wedding plans yet...

for the past several months i have been feeling torn about what to do about my relationship with my fiance. in the beginning, it was so wonderful and we had so much fun together. it was like we were the only 2 people in the world. the only issue with him was that he had a jealously problem. i was never the jealous type, but i was so in love with him that i just did everything i could to not make him jealous... this later resulted to cutting off all of my friends, and changing my personality completely. but when it's just the 2 of us together (still to this day), it's so wonderful and i am so happy. he makes me feel so good and is so supportive and complimenting me constantly. then again, it's always been all about him. i have come to realize that he is very selfish and self-centered. all he cares about is benefitting himself, even at the expense of others. this really bothers me.

all of the friends i had, i no longer talk to. most of them were single, and he would always say that he didn't feel comfortable with me going out with my single friends for fear of me cheating on him (which i would never do!). he asked me to delete my social networking profiles (myspace and facebook). and i did. i ended up befriending his friend's wives or girlfriends, but it's not the same as the friendships i've had with my other friends!

he has his friends over almost every night. i do not hang out with him and his friends when they are over, because when i try to have an innocent conversation with any of them, he gives me a dirty look implying that i am "flirting" with them. it's extremely irritating. so i just hang out in our room by myself whenever they come over. he doesn't like me going anywhere because he tells me he is constantly concerned about me. it's not like i could anyway, because i pretty much don't have any friends! whenever i give him crap about having his friends over every night he says "well at least i'm here at home and not out at the bars or clubs." which is true, i would rather him stay home and hang out with his friends than go out with them. but there has to be a limit! i want to have an evening with him, just the 2 of us!

he constantly accuses me of cheating. which is impossible because i am at home all the time or at his parent's house when i am not with him. he is so insecure, and his insecurities make me insecure! i feel like if he is constantly accusing me of cheating on him, then he must be feeling guilty about something. and i call him out on it, but he just denies it.

I hardly see my family anymore because they don't really like him. he has been caught stealing from my dad, and lying to my mom. it's so hard because they are my parents, but i love him dearly. we see his family almost every day though. i have become quite close with his family, and they are wonderful.

we have had arguments over these issues that i have with him, and he promises he will change, and he tells me how he couldn't live without me. then he will try to turn it around asking "well why did you say yes when i proposed? do you even love me?" and things like that. it's so hard.

I have been thinking about ending our relationship for a while now, but i don't know if i want to! some days everything is great and i realize how much i love him and that i couldn't live without him, and other days i am so frustrated and irritated with him that i wish i could just leave. but it's not that easy. we are living in my mom's rental property, and we have acquired a lot of things together. especially our two dogs. they are like my children, i love them so much and i could never part with them.

please give me advice on what i should do? if i should end our relationship and how? how can i make him understand what i want? if i could fix things? please help me.

'...please give me advice on what i should do? if i should end our relationship and how? how can i make him understand what i want? if i could fix things? '

What you should do is start making plans to leave this 'relationship' asap, but making sure that he doesn't find out about them. This isn't fixable, and you can't make him understand. This is how mentally and physically abusive marriages start and this is how women's lives become a nightmare. I would ecourage you to read posts on the Domestic Abuse board.

In his (sick) mind, you are his property, you have no identity of your own and therefore don't need outside influences like friends, family, interests etc etc. In his sick mind he is your Lord and Master and you can't possibly need anything but him in life, 24/7. Your reference to you having to sit in a room alone whilst he's hanging out with his male friends... this just made my blood boil - I would just leave there and then, the frist time he so much as hinted at me having to do that.

Please leave this man now and don't ever go back to him. Is 85 your year of birth? If so you are so incredibly young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on this b-d.

This controlling behavior of his is not something you want to have to deal with the rest of your life. This alienation from your previous friends and family and his suspicious nature is going to wear on you over time and wear you down until you can't take it anymore. It's already starting really, as you are posting here about it, so it is bugging you to a certain degree already.

As soon as I read the first paragraph of your post, I already saw a big red flag. Engaged so very soon after you met, but now stuck in engagement limbo for 1.5 years. Then as I read the rest, it fit. His jealous controlling nature wanted to tie you to him, so you couldn't get away, by proposing so fast and early on in the relationship. Not necessarily out of knowing he definitely wanted to marry you, but to slap an engagement ring on you and "claim" you to get you off the market so to speak.

Sorry for being so blunt but you seem like a really nice girl who is being controlled and who is giving up everything on her end and he is giving up nothing.

Please do yourself a favor and get away from him ASAP! He sounds just like my husband did in the beginning of our relationship. I would not wish the kind of misery that I have lived with for the last 32 years on anyone. He will only get worse! He might say he will change, but he won't. Don't let him come between you and your family anymore. If you were my daughter, I would give the same advice. Take care of yourself and start making plans to get away from him.

Steel

I am sorry this is so short, but my Internet browser quit as i was trying to post.  But I agree with the other posters.. he is more into owning a person than loving a person.  Also i mean no offense to this, but are you needy- and there is nothing wrong with that because I have been too, at times.  you seem really sweet but there is no reason you should be with a manipulative controlling guy who lies and cheats.  Compliments come plenty.  You will find out later that you will continue to be unhappy and things will get worse.   Your family can see him more clearly.  It will be hard because you have been together so long, but him being the way he is, i suggest you let your family know what you are goign to do, take a bag and move in with them.   Then get the rest of your stuff with your dad.

Tell your fiance that this is not the life you want, and your feelings have changed since you agreed to marry him.  He may plead, beg, and promise to change, but it is not the kind of thing he can do, at least not with you.   People tend to treat people the same as when they first met them.  good luck