Should I Stay or Should I Go?

We met come next March, five years ago, at first it was the classic long distance romance, I was living in London and he Bedford.  At times he could get moody but he put it down to the fact he hated it when we said goodbye at the end of the weekend.  It caused rows and well we didn`t row over anything else but that so when he kept asking me to move in; I gave up my flat and moved to Bedford.  Not before I made him promise not to use the fact that its his house against me, if we rowed. I also moved jobs from London to Bedford also as this was also a problem for him. 

It was not until a few months later that I realised that he can find anything to moan about he will use it to pick a fight with me.  He binge drinks and smokes weed, which I know does not help his personality.

We now have a daughter, and I have noticed that even though she is only nine months old he will say to her shall we leave moody mummy alone or mummys stupid/thick.  If he is talking like that to her now, it will only get worse when she is older.  He has hit me and even spat in my face, the thought that she will grow up and see any of this reduces me to tears.

We are not married though she does have his last name, I am woried that if I do leave he would come after me and take her away from me.

I want to leave, but can he legal make me stay or worse gain access to her because I know he will never return her back not alive; he said as much.

This guy sounds really bad.  If he is using a threat such as your daugther's life to put over your head now, it is only going to get worse and may escalate as long as he is still in your life. The best, safest thing for you to do is to get away from him.  the longer you are with him, the harder it will be to leave him, and he may end up abusing you.  I do not know what the laws are there but you are the birth mother and the guardian.  the previous poster may be right.  Also, there should be laws to protect women in your situation.  You know you have to go, all you need is to hatch an action plan.  Your daughter needs you, and you do not want to grow up with a daughter who sees you as he is telling her to.  I mean, she would have to seeing the disrespect you put up with.  She needs a strong role model for a mother.  Don't worry about the difficulties of dating as a single mother, i know a lot of single mothers who get married to men who have had kids, and also men who do not have any children.  Good luck!

Have you contacted the authorities at all?  If you ever have any proof of anything against him, document it!  If he leaves marks when he hits you, take a picture.  If he writes something down, keep it and make copies and make sure someone you trust has the copies. 

It sounds like a situation you really need to get out of before it gets worse.  If a man hits you once, he will hit you again.  Even if he doesn't, he abuses you mentally and emotionally.  And as you said, you do not want your daughter growing up around that.  There are shelters and services to help.  If you're not willing to contact the authorites out of fear, perhaps asking for help through a women and children center or something. 

I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.  I hope you find the help you need.