Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I'll get counseling before I decide, but I still like feedback from others, although I know only I can ultimately decide if I leave or not.

Well I've been very unhappy with our relationship through-out the entire three years we've been together (1 year dating, two years married). The first two months were romantic and wonderful, and I was certain he was right for me, and that's all that's kept me hoping we could work through the problems later.

But no matter what I've done to fix things-talk to him, write him letters, following the advice of books, I don't see much progress made. I'm bored out of my mind romanitcally and lately can't stop fantasizing that i'm with someone else(a fantasy man, not anyone I know).For the most part I feel like he's in the way of things I really want to do--write, read, hang out with friends, etc.  

Why do I still hang on?--I still find him attractive, and that gives me hope. Sometimes I have strong feelings for him...rarely but sometimes.

He treats me good and is a kind person. That gives me hope too.

My religious parents would be DEVESTATED and beyond disappointed in me. It was my upbringing that you don't even leave a guy even if he beats you--separation is possible, but not divorce.

I'm my husband's third wife; I feel terrible giving him a third divorce. I'm afraid he'll have trouble finding somone again. His parents, who I'm fairly close to, would be grief-stricken as well.

He has trouble with depression, and he would also be devestated by the divorce. It seems so self-centered to leave, and I'm afraid that I will and then I'll realize it was a mistake.

If you weren't happy for all but two months of the relationship, then this marriage was a mistake to begin with and I would hope that counseling at least got you to the point individually where you could understand why you made the choices you did. It sounds like that did happen.

Yes there are consequences you'll have to deal with when this ends, that is the result of a mistake. You can't stay in a relationship as a charity to someone else, that's even more cruel than leaving.

You need to provide a clear picture of your M to get a fruitful advice.On the other board,your husband is completely different from what you have posted here.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=32767.1&ctx=512

My only advice will be to stop fooling yourself and get a divorce.NO ONE is worth sacrificing your life over.Do yourself a favour and get an attorney asap.

Something to give a thought over: The family for which you are going to live a miserable married life, will they be happy to know what kind of life you are living? If they truely love you,they will be devastated to know that you are so very unhappy ,the other way around,dear.

IMHO,your husband sounds emotionally abusive.no wonder he is twice divorced !

Two months of married life are always good and its after that that the reality sinks in ( well, it lasts more than 2 months !).You cant spend your entire life on the basis of those 2 months.

You may spend another 5 years in limbo but wont that be a waste of another years of your life??

This marriage,i agree,seems like a mistake but its never too late to make amends.

If things dont change at all , where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

There are many things in life which we learn from other peoples experience and one you should be doing is divorce.Its your life not your parents,his or his parents.

Hope is great BUT it takes two to tango!! Your husband seems to have checked out of marriage.You deserve to be treated special.We get one life to live.its in your hands to make the best out of it.

To take the first step for divorce is daunting , nerve wrecking but once you take it,everything begins to fall in place.You might go up and down with it but you will have to take a decision,cant stay a yo-yo forever.

Make a decision for you, not for others.

( My response is after reading both the posts ).