Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I've been with my DF for 5 and a half years.  We've gone through alot and I've always stood beside him, even to the extent of him being in prison for 2 years, but I'm thinking that it might be time to call it quits.  It's really hard becuase I love him but I'm unsure that anything will come of us being together anymore.

We both came out of really bad relationships and it might have been a mistake that we got together in the first place but becuase of each other we've help each other get past some of those issues.

Well DF has been home from prison for almost a year now and became really really religious while in there.  It was never a problem before that he was christian and I was a wiccan, but now it is.  He tells me that he wants to get married and be with me forever and I'm the only one for him.  If we don't marry he's not getting married, but then his youngest son tells me he told his older son that he won't marry me becuase I'm not a christian.  I confronted him on it and he said it was true but he still considers us engaged and only wants to marry me but has prayed that i will become a christian.  I told him it wasn't going to happen but he persists that it will but states that he won't except someone converting for him alone.  it has to be because god came into their heart. not going to happen...

In july he got a letter from an old friend (a woman) that stated how much she loved him and how much they were ment to be together and how much it was like the old days when he gave her a ride home (being in my car!!!!!)  I gave him the ultimatum that he must not talk to her again or it's over between us.  he stopped talking to her but only on the condition that we become celebate since premarital sex was what caused his problems in the first place and becasue he wants to become a pastor and it looks bad.  Mind you we have a 2 year old daughter together, live toether and still sleep in the same bed.

he started school in august, which i was all for.  he goes 10-12 hours a week but hasn't gone in almost 2 weeks.  I work 40 hrs a week in a pretty demanding job.  he's home all day and does absolutly nothing.  The house is tore up one side and down the other and all he's done is sit on the comuter playing counter strike all day long. nothing gets done unless i do it.  he doesn't have a job and we're behind in the bills since i'm the only one working and he offered to help me when his school money came in....i got disconnection letters and he got a new computer :(

I've made so many sacrifices for our relationship so that we can be together because i love him.  he doesn't sacrifice anything and can only come up with "well everyone sacrifices something...like i sacrifice not being with someone else to be faithful to you"  I'm really starting to feel like I'm in a glorified roommate situation with a built in babysitter while i'm at work and that i'm provide a cushy situation for him to do nothing but use me till he finds something better. he's a wonderful father don't take me wrong and I'm sure he does love me (maybe not in love tho) but for everything else i feel like I'm doing it by myself.

Am I crazy?

Turtle,

Hi. I am sorry you find yourself dealing with a difficult person. Here's my two cents for what its worth:

1)Your fiancee is correct when it comes to marrying outside the faith. The Bible commands us not to be "unequally yoked." In other words, we should not marry someone who is not a Christian or a "believer." He is also correct in saying that he prays for you to receive Christ. That's not to say you will - it's just the Biblical commandment to pray for our spouses or potentail spouses who are not believers.

Please note, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you're a heathen or a devil-worshipper. Your issue is very fundamental - you and your DF have two very different spiritual belief systems. That alone makes is very tough to be partners, especially if he feels a Biblical command to either get you to convert or leave the relationship to follow God's calling. I'd say the same thing if you were a buddist, jew, muslim, or druid. This an important issue that can't be ignored when you marry someone.

2)You are all too right to be angry at him for sitting on his butt. As a Christian, I'd be confronting him about his lack of living up to the Biblical standard to support his household both spiritually and financially. On this you need to get real honest with him and set some expectations: You get a job and contribute "X" to the household expenses or you will not be living here any more. Sometimes we women have to kick our men in the butt. No, it's not easy, but its necessary. He'll either respond or he'll leave. Too bad for you and your daughter, but he needs to face reality.

3)If he wants to follow God's calling for his life then he needs to be prepared to make sacrifices. That might mean you don't get married, he moves out, etc. What he needs to understand is following God's calling isn't all roses and wine; it can be difficult and painful. I would wish for another godly man to hold him accountable for his decisions if he wants to follow God's lead in his life.

Good luck to you. I know none of this is easy for you. I also know if you can love someone but may not be able to live with them. I think you'll have to be the one to make the decision about what's best for you and your daugther rather than waiting around for him to get a clue.

Take care,