Should I Stay or Should I Go?

You need to stop the fighting and the fighting is coming from boundary issues.

You are suffering from a lack of privacy and ultimately what I think is a lack of trust.

Here's the thing... Between a Facebook account and a personal journal, you can't expect an online social networking tool to be completely private. That would just be sort of unreasonable. It's mean to communicate with people, not for personal secrets. On the other hand, a journal is meant for private use for your eyes only. You're an adult with thoughts and feelings of your own that you aren't required to share with someone else, husband or not. You're an individual, getting married doesn't make you a siamese twin attached at the brain. If you want to have a journal that he's not allowed to read, that should be acceptable. Why don't you tell him, "I don't mind if we have access to one another's Facebook accounts, I trust you and I hope you trust me to interact with other people in a way that respects our marriage. But I also need an outlet that's just for me to read my own thoughts, and I have to take my journal back as my own personal space. I hope you can understand."

I hope you will stick to your guns here. You should be allowed to have thoughts of your own.

I started journaling after D-Day. Hubby would find it and take it away from me and tear it up and then burn it. He said that I was not "allowed" to write anyting bad about him. Counselor repeatedly told him that what he was doing was wrong, but he thinks that he is a law unto himself. After he did that 2 or 3 times, I found a place to hide my journal. He has not been able to find it in over a year.

He believes that we should have absolutely no thoughts that the other does not know about. He makes me crazy. He also thinks I should have the same opinions as he does. At the same time, he had found things on my work computer, chats, emails (I know, stupid of me) that he has saved on his computer for 2 years. He has saved it, I guess to "keep me in line" or what ever is going through his head. I have had absolutely zero privacy since D-Day. He put a key stroke logger/spy program on my work laptop. I only found out about it about 7 months later because I was having issues with my computer. He forced me to wear a bluetooth ear piece so he could listen to all of my work conversations, even wanted to listen in every time I talked to our children. He was always trying to butt into my conversations with other people and telling what I had better not say.

So I can sympathize with you and tell you that I have now started standing up for myself and no longer allow that crap. He does have my passwords for FB, Twitter and my email accounts that he knows about. He checks them probably every day. Good luck and nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand.

When it comes to the Internet I don't feel couples need privacy. If you want to diary or journal your feelings, buy a journal and write in it at home. There is too many ways to get in trouble on the net. I understand his desire to check up on you... and because you got angry and claimed "privacy" he now is claiming the same. Tell him you are sorry that you acted this way and that anything you do online is free for him to read, check, etc... Don't write or do things online that he can't know about it.

Buy a nice journal to write in at home and have a special place to keep it. To not trigger his curiosity, I would choose to write in your journal when he is not home so that it doesn't become a "curiosity" issue.

Couples go through phases where they argue a lot and then it smooths out and then starts again. You are wise to worry about this rift in your marriage and the consequences it can have. Make peace w/ your man.

About his cuddling and your need for space. Compromise- cuddle some, and have some space. If he wants to cuddle and you want space he will view this as rejection, so cuddle for a little while and then get up and go do whatever you wanted to do.

My husband used to do this thing I HATED. He'd block my path when I was going down the hall or was in the kitchen and would stand there until I hugged and kissed him. Sounds fast enough but he'd sometimes want to chat for a minuet, etc and this TRIGGERED me because I felt like I could NOT get by unless I submitted. I HATED That feeling. We had a talk and he stopped doing it thank GAWD! He does like to snuggle, etc more than I do, but we compromise.